During the Hollywood "slump" this year, a lot has been made about the fact that it now costs upwards of $9, even in backwoods Kansas City, to buy a single adult movie ticket at night. The other common complaint is the ubiquitous annoying commercials before the movie starts (and even before the usual 9 previews for other movies).

But here in isolated Waynesville, NC, I got a glimpse of what it would look (and smell) like if everyone got their wish. The matinee showing of King Kong in the "big theater" (7 rows, 12 seats per row) was $3 per ticket. There were no commercials before the movie, and in fact there was only one preview, but the theater smelled of urine, and the "sound system" was a few speakers hung on the walls.

The piece de resistance was 2 hours into the film, when in the middle of a scene the screen abruptly went blank. About 5 minutes later, the lights in the theater turned on and off a la the "return to your seats, intermission is almost over" signal that you'd see at a play, and the movie resumed again in the middle of the scene. It was an unannounced intermission.

So think about it next time you complain about your stadium seating and Dolby Digital sound costing $10 and a few ads for extreme soda.

This is it for the regular season of NFL picks. Lucas didn't really bring it this year, which I chalk up to him getting married. I'm sure he spent his Saturdays picking out dishware and towels instead of poring over film to prepare his picks. Meanwhile Brian, the perennial doormat of NFL picks, is within striking distance.

DEN at SD: The fact that the Chargers are out of the playoffs is just flabbergasting to me. How is Marty Schottenheimer still coaching this team? SD

NYG at OAK: Speaking of "how is he still coaching this team?", let me introduce Norv Turner! NYG

CAR at ATL: Are either or these teams still in the playoffs? I can't keep track anymore in the wacky NFC, where one week the Vikings are a mortal lock and the next week they're eliminated. ATL

BAL at CLE: Do I really pick a team that is 0-7 on the road to win a road game in the final week? If their opponent is the Browns, then yes. BAL

SEA at GB: As overrated as the Seahawks are, I just don't see them losing until their first playoff game. They've done really well against bad teams this year, and the Packers certainly qualify. SEA

AZ at IND: Wouldn't it be grand if the Colts lost 3 in a row going into the playoffs? Unfortunately even Jim Sorgi can beat the Cardinals at home. IND

CIN at KC: If the Bengals lose and the Pats win, Cincinnati will get dropped to the 4th seed which is a much easier place to be (Jacksonville in the 1st round, the overrated Colts in the 2nd round). KC

MIA at NE: Not having Bruschi won't hurt yet, as they managed to beat the Dolphins without him at 100% earlier this year. NE

BUF at NYJ: Two dreadful teams. Two dreadful quarterbacks. Testaverde in garbage time looked much better on Monday than anyone the Bills have. NYJ

DET at PIT: Are you kidding? PIT

NO at TB: At long last, the Saints' season is over. Hopefully this offseason will be less tumultuous than last. TB

HOU at SF: In these battles of craptacular teams, always take the home team. SF

TEN at JAX: The Jags could possibly be the worst 12-4 team in NFL history... JAX

CHI at MIN:...Or would that be the Bears? CHI

WAS at PHI: Clearly, Mike McMahon is not the answer. WAS

STL at DAL: Is Dallas in the playoffs? I'm telling you, I have no idea. One week they get absolutely drop-kicked by the Redskins of all teams, the next week they win and are virtual locks. DAL

Up here on the mountain in North Carolina, it feels very isolated from the rest of the world. Sometimes the fog rolls in and it even looks isolated. Check out this picture taken off my parents' front porch. It looks like a scene straight out of The Ring.

And here's almost the same shot without any fog.

I promise that sometime (perhaps next week), I will make some substantive posts, but it being almost Holiday and all I should probably just do the picks before I forget. With each pick I'll put what each team wants in their Holiday stocking.

BUF at CIN: Bills: A new coach. Bengals: Not to wake up from this crazy dream they're having...CIN

PIT at CLE: Steelers: The mid 90's. Browns: A redo on their last 4 or 5 1st round draft picks. PIT

SD at KC: Chargers: The same intensity they had last week in all of their other games. Chiefs: Pick a defensive player, any defensive player. SD

SF at STL: Niners: A new pair of hands for Alex Smith. Rams: Toughness. STL

TEN at MIA: Titans: Their window of opportunity to open again. Dolphins: An explanation for how the hell they have such a reasonable record. MIA

DET at NO: Lions: Another wide receiver? Saints: A home stadium. NO

ATL at TB: Falcons: Michael Vick to play like Madden Vick. Bucs: A QB who can play like the one they saw last week. TB

NYG at WAS: Giants: A QB who's not a big whiner. Redskins: A new nickname. NYG

DAL at CAR: Cowboys: A pair of rollerblades so Bledsoe can move. Panthers: Consistency. CAR

JAX at HOU: Jags: Any opponent besides New England in the 1st round of the playoffs. Texans: The season to blissfully end. JAX

PHI at AZ: Eagles: A top-flight wide receiver. Cardinals: A running back. PHI

OAK at DEN: Raiders: The real Randy Moss. Broncos: Shhh...nobody jinx anything...DEN

IND at SEA: Colts: Anybody besides New England in the playoffs. Seahawks: Someone to pay attention to them. SEA

CHI at GB: Bears: A quarterback, any quarterback. Packers: One more great game out of Favre so that he can go out the way that he should. CHI

MIN at BAL: Vikings: 4 acquittals, 3 playoff dates, 2 more wins, and a lot of help from other teams. Ravens: A new coach. BAL

NE at NYJ: Patriots: Another shot at the Colts. Jets: To never have to see Brooks Bollinger run a 2 minute drill again. NE

I'm only 2 hours from Nebraska. I still just can't get over that.

TB at NE: I heard a nasty rumor that Tom Brady might not play in this game, which would reduce the Patriots to just another injury-plagued team with a bad defense. Fortunately, they're at home in the cold. NE

KC at NYG: The Chiefs have the best running game in the league, yet find themselves just about ready to miss the playoffs. Whinin' Eli is a juggernaut at home, where the Giants will be for the last time this week. NYG

DEN at BUF: I'm still stubbornly calling for the Broncos to fade down the stretch, even against the Bills who are clearly just playing out the string. BUF

SEA at TEN: The Seahawks can, if nothing else, really beat up on the bad teams. SEA

SD at IND: Not only are the Chargers hugely talented, if inconsistent, but last week they lost a bizarre home game against a bad team. Nothing rallies a poorly-coached, inconsistent team like being embarassed. SD

PHI at STL: This week's Donovan McNabb debacle was shameful. Only in Philadelphia does leading your team to 4 straight NFC championship games and 1 Super Bowl get you publicly vilified. STL

NYJ at MIA: If this game were in New York, I'd say the Jets had a chance to beat the somehow-6-7 Dolphins, but bad teams don't win on the road. MIA

PIT at MIN: Throughout their little winning streak, the Vikings have beaten all bad teams except a win against the Giants, where they didn't score a single offensive touchdown. PIT

CAR at NO: This is the kind of game the Panthers lose, but every game is the kind of game the Saints lose. CAR

SF at JAX: Again, bad teams don't win road games. JAX

AZ at HOU: ...Unless they're playing even-worse teams. AZ

CIN at DET: If the Lions weren't so dang bad I'd say this was a perfect Bengals trap game. CIN

CLE at OAK: Does anyone have any idea what to make of this game? I sure don't. I guess Cleveland is better-coached, but bad teams don't win on the road. OAK

DAL at WAS: As the years go by, Bill Parcells looks more and more like those pear-shaped weeble-wobble things. Like the toys, the Cowboys will wobble but they won't fall down. DAL

ATL at CHI: Surprise surprise, if the Bears play a decent team, they can't win because they can't score. Atlanta outdoors in the cold is not a decent team, however. CHI

GB at BAL: Sorry Lucas, but this is my Game I Don't Care About of the Week. BAL

Because our country has once again caught the disease that I like to call the "Common Senseuenza" (apprently the vaccines for it are in the same place as last year's flu shots), I thought I'd spell out this whole Christmas/holiday thing in easy-to-understand terms that even people from Kansas can understand:

When greeting large groups of people in a setting outside of a church, where you are unsure of which holidays they celebrate, Happy Holidays is appropriate. In this case "Holidays" includes Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and the various new years that occur around this time. Yes, Kansans, this can also include the new NASCAR season.

When referring to items that are only associated with Christmas, such as large trees that are placed in one's home, ornaments that are hung on the tree, and cookies shaped like Santa Claus, "Christmas" is appropriate. To spell it out for you: cookies shaped like Santa Claus - Christmas Cookies. Cookies shaped like Dale Earnhardt - Holiday Cookies.

Here in KC, we got a rude awakening on Thursday morning. 10 inches of snow dumped on the roads and sub-zero temperatures, the perfect early Christmas present. Luckily I was able to work from home on Thursday, and I was ensured of not being distracted because our dish was covered with snow and the door to the balcony was frozen shut, so no TV for us until it melted.

Now that I've thawed out a bit, here are this week's NFL picks.

NE at BUF: Could the Patriots actually be getting...[gasp]...healthy? Too bad half of their defense is already on IR and won't be coming back this year. NE

CLE at CIN: The Bengals of the last few years lose this game. But the Bengals of the last few years wouldn't have won last week either. Too bad they couldn't beat the Colts. CIN

HOU at TEN: Will people actually go to this game? "Hey honey, let's go. We don't want to miss the first quarter or we might not see David Carr get sacked 3 times or the Titans go three-and-out 4 times!" TEN

STL at MIN: I'm confused. The Vikings are really 7-5? Are you kidding me? If it was anyone else, I'd pick an upset. But the Rams? MIN

OAK at NYJ: You'd think the Raiders would have the slight advantage over the team with no offense, but then you'd realize that the Raiders have quit on their coach. NYJ

CHI at PIT: If I hear one more story about the Bears defense, I might scream. Let's not all lose sight of the fact that the Bears offense is incapable of scoring from outside the five yard line. PIT

TB at CAR: The Panthers make no sense to me. They lose to the Saints, then they beat the Patriots. They barely beat the Bills, then they blow out the Patriots. CAR

IND at JAX: It's unfortunate that this is the Colts' toughest road test for the rest of the year, since the Jags are still starting David Garrard. At least we'll be spared from hearing about how great the Colts offense is for a week, since Jacksonville will at least be able to keep it close. IND

NYG at PHI: The Giants season can be most accurately summed up by the video clip of Jeremy Shockey mugging for the camera at the end of their game against Seattle, then realizing halfway through that his kicker missed the field goal. The look of complete confusion on his face is priceless. NYG

WAS at AZ: The Cardinals are slowly making their way to respectability thanks to an offense that is actually enjoyable to watch. However, they're a very one-dimensional team that even the Redskins can still handle. WAS

SF at SEA: It's like my whole world is upside-down. Are the Seahawks really going to win the NFC? This just isn't right. SEA

KC at DAL: The Chiefs have been eminently underwhelming on the road, and Dallas should have just enough to beat them. DAL

BAL at DEN: Oh man, I though Denver was primed for their collapse now that Jake Plummer has reverted back to himself, but the Ravens on the road? Not a chance. DEN

MIA at SD: It's hard to believe that the Dolphins are 5-7, considering the absence of a quarterback on their roster. That just goes to show you how bad the AFC East has been. SD

DET at GB: How is this game on during prime time? Even before the season there was no chance either of these teams would be good, so why would ESPN want this rubbish? GB

NO at ATL: The Falcons may be sliding, but they can always count on a win against the Saints. Behold the most boring NFL rivalry. Hebert! Everett! Heyward! The Saints and Falcons renew their storied rivalry only on ABC! ATL

Well I eventually made it back to KC, despite having to fly on an aircraft called the "Bombardier Canadair Regional Jet", evoking images of the Red Baron flying a biplane over Germany shooting his machine gun mounted behind the propeller. Unfortunately my plane did not have a machine gun, but fortunately it also didn't have any propellers.

GB at CHI: Somehow the Bears continue to win, despite not even pretending to have an offense in place. Their offensive gameplan is "wait for defense to force turnover deep in opponents territory. Run ball 3 yards for score. Don't allow Orton to throw any passes." CHI

JAX at CLE: Everyone is saying that the injury to Byron Leftwich won't hurt Jacksonville, but David Garrard is much easier to defend when you gameplan for him. Upset special. CLE

MIN at DET: I'm really tempted. I really am. I want to do it...fine, you twisted my arm. DET

TEN at IND: We now return to Indy's regularly-scheduled programming. IND

BUF at MIA: It's scary that the winner of this game will be in 2nd place in their division, and it's possible that the winner would only be a game behind New England for first place. MIA

TB at NO: Ah, another "home game" for the Saints. I'm still waiting for them to play that inspired football they were supposed to play after the Katrina disaster. TB

DAL at NYG: Neither of these teams has a kicker to speak of after both losing winnable games last week. Here's hoping that Whinin' Eli has many more games like it. NYG

CIN at PIT: How could anyone not like Chad Johnson? His touchdown celebrations aren't as entertaining as TO's, but he also isn't a complete detriment to his team. Typically I never pick the Bengals to win one these "now we can finally turn this franchise around" games, but I smell the faint odor of Tommy Maddox. CIN

ATL at CAR: Like Lucas, I don't believe in the Falcons at all, but last week I watched Carolina almost lose to Buffalo. ATL

HOU at BAL: And here's my Game I Don't Care About of the Week. BAL

WAS at STL: How the hell did those lucky Rams win last week? Oh yeah, they were playing the Texans. I know they're at home, but I just have a funny feeling that this QB of theirs will not have a good day. WAS

AZ at SF: At least Arizona is occasionally fun to watch. AZ

DEN at KC: Could it really be possible that Denver and Seattle really are this good and that the swoon won't happen this year? KC

NYJ at NE: No matter how low they've sunk, they're not this low yet. NE

OAK at SD: No contest. SD

SEA at PHI: I can't believe I'm doing this...SEA