People who live elsewhere often make fun of where I live. I've had visitors who, upon arrivals, have been surprised that we have tall buildings in Kansas City and that there are no cows in my neighborhood. But in reality, KC is much like any other city. Office buildings, poor roads, a bad baseball team, nothing out of the ordinary here. Until today.

Today, Eileen and I attended the American Royal, which is a monthlong event that includes a barbecue contest, livestock judging, multiple rodeos, and horse shows. Today we saw a dog agility contest, where dogs run through an obstacle course and jump through hoops and such, but the arena itself (which was also hosting a horse show and a rodeo later this evening) was the most southern place I've ever been.

Every single person in the building was wearing blue jeans, and we were the only people without boots. About 60% of the crowd were wearing either cowboy hats or NASCAR hats, and more than a few were wearing t-shirts with confederate flags or sayings like "save a horse, ride a cowboy". And the belt buckles... I always thought that was a stereo type, but there were people with belt buckles bigger than their hands. Now I know what a gun and knife show is like. Or a NASCAR race.

GB at CIN: The Packers lost all respect when they could not beat the pathetic Vikings last week. If I were Lisa I'd put Lucas on suicide watch after that debacle. CIN

AZ at DAL: The Cowboys are by no means a great team, but the Cardinals are by no means an NFL team. DAL

CHI at DET: This one is tricky, since although the Lions are bad, they aren't so bad at home, while the Bears aren't so bad, but they are winless on the road. But it doesn't matter. CHI

OAK at TEN: Two teams going nowhere, my game I don't care about of the week unless a better one comes up. OAK

JAX at STL: Oh Rams, a loss and an Arizona win would put you in a tie with the pathetic Cardinals. The thing is, this is a talented team. I blame the coaching stff. JAX

WAS at NYG: Eli Manning got slurped all week by the media, much to my chagrin. Has everyone forgotten that the little baby cried and cried when it looked like he would be drafted by San Diego? Upset special, because I can't stand Eli. WAS

MIN at CAR: A clash of overhyped preseason teams, although one of them has at least been respectable. CAR

CLE at HOU: I retract my earlier statement, this is my game I don't care about of the week. If Indy didn't have a bye this week, I'm sure they'd be playing against one of these teams so that their defense could get a few more gimme sacks. Who cares...oh fine...CLE

MIA at NO: If the Dolphins didn't play in the Patriots' division, this would be another snoozer. Weren't the Saints supposed to play inspired football this year? Apparently Jim Haslett is that bad a motivator. NO

KC at SD: Marty Schottenheimer is the worst coach in the league if a team this talented is 3-4. Meanwhile, what the heck has happened to Tony Gonzalez? SD

PHI at DEN: I'm picking the Broncos here, but I think this will be their one of their last few wins. This will be their 5th home game of the year, so not only will they predictably collapse down the stretch, but the path will be made easier by having so many road games. DEN

TB at SF: Chris Simms against Ken Dorsey, aren't the college football games supposed to be on Saturdays? TB

BUF at NE: Unfortunately Tedy Bruschi doesn't play in the secondary, but fortunately Kelly Holcomb is one QB that won't be able to take advantage. NE

BAL at PIT: Anthony Wright on the road against a good team...I don't think so. PIT

I awoke to a special treat this morning: my car wouldn't start. I'm so glad that I had it inspected last week, where they said the battery was fine. Apparently the inspection did not involve looking under the hood, where it was quite obvious that the battery was covered with corrosion. I know exactly zero about cars, beyond where to put the key and how to program the radio, yet it was plainly obvious even to me after opening the hood (once I figured out how to open the hood) that the battery contacts were corroded. Perhaps I should become a mechanic? Or maybe the people who are paid to be mechanics should actually DO THEIR JOBS.

Awhile ago, I promised a new addition to the software page. It's been a long time coming, but it's almost here. Stay tuned...

PIT at CIN: As long as Tommy Maddox stays as far away from this game as possible, the Steelers should rebound. PIT

DET at CLE: Easily the Game I Don't Care About of the Week. Remember when the Lions were fun to watch, with Barry Sanders and Herman Moore and Scott Mitchell, and Chris Berman would call Wayne Fontes "Rasputin"? CLE (shudder)

NO at STL: Jamie Martin. That's all I need to say. NO

GB at MIN: Brett Favre has trouble in domes. I'm tempted to do it, I'm tempted, I'm tempted...I can't do it. GB

SD at PHI: Did Donovan F. McNabb get healthy during the bye week? Is Brian Westbrook the most overrated back in the NFL? How on Earth is San Diego 3-3 with that roster? SD

SF at WAS: Memo to the 49ers: Alex Smith is terrible. I do not like him in preseason, I do not like him in the regular season. I do not like him in a box. I do not like him with a fox. I don't even like him against pathetic Washington. WAS

IND at HOU: So let me get this straight. The Rams score 17 points in the first quarter against Indianapolis' "Improved Defense", then Marc Bulger gets hurt and they have to bring in the pathetic Jamie Martin. The Rams get shut down the rest of the way. How can the media still claim that the Colts have a great defense? They have played against a quality offense for all of one quarter this entire season, and in that one quarter they gave up 17 points. I hope the Patriots are even reasonably healthy for this game, as I look forward to all the dumb football columnists apologizing for overhyping the Colts D when they get carved up by Brady and Branch. IND

DAL at SEA: One of these teams is well coached. One of these teams has a good quarterback. One of these teams has receivers that hold on to the ball. One of these teams has a good running back. It would be much easier to pick this game if all of those sentences described the same team. SEA

BAL at CHI: Runner up Game I Don't Care About of the Week. CHI

BUF at OAK: Kelly Holcomb may be an upgrade over Losman, but did you see some of those wobbly passes he threw last week? Wherefore art thou, Jeff George? BUF

DEN at NYG: It's about that time of the year. NYG

TEN at AZ: I was all set to pick Arizona, but then I hear that Billy Volek is QBing the Titans. Unfortunately his favorite target Drew Bennett is hurt as well. AZ

NYJ at ATL: Vinny is old. Vick is fast. Curtis Martin is old. Warrick Dunn is fast. ATL

Thanks to the 900th hurricane of this year, there is an NFL football game tonight. Here's a quick pick:

KC at MIA: The Chiefs are clearly the best team, but have you seen their travel itinerary today? Fly to Miami, get to the stadium, play the game, fly home. There's no way a team can focus when their weekly routine is changed so drastically and suddenly. MIA

-If the Cardinals lose this series, it will be because of their complete ineptitude with a runner on 3rd base and nobody out. In a situation where all it takes is a fly ball, I've seen way too many tappers and strikeouts.

-There was a great article on Slate last week about the media's unhealthy man-crush on Apple and how they're unwilling to take the company to task on failed products, faulty hard drives, or the fact that they've basically been releasing the iPod over and over again with a slightly different case or disk size for the past 3 or 4 years.

-How about that awesome Colts defense? It's not even the end of the first quarter and the hapless Rams have put up 17 points on them. Hmm, perhaps it really was the pathetic practice squads they've played against rather than skills of their own defense.

-I'm not too stoked about the choice for the new James Bond. I thought that Pierce Brosnan was a perfect Bond, even if his movies were uneven (although better than many of the older movies. They may be classics but they're looong and slooooow).

Eileen and I had planned to go somewhere outside this weekend and enjoy the leaves changing colors and the cool autumn breezes. Unfortunately it has been unseasonably warm lately, so the leaves haven't changed anything and it was downright hot outside. But we decided to enjoy it anyway and hit up Swope Park, which is the second largest park in the nation and features its own Disc Golf Course. As a result, I almost forgot to do my NFL picks, but lest I lapse into 3rd place I'll do an abbreviated 1-sentence-per-game version.

MIN at CHI: Lucas has got to be loving the complete farce that the Vikings franchise has become. CHI

NYG at DAL: As much as I can't stand Eli Manning, the statuesque Mr. Bledsoe has been way over his head. NYG

CAR at DET: Time for the Panthers defensive line to tee off on poor Joey Harrington. CAR

CIN at TEN: The Titans have 2 wins this year? CIN

WAS at KC: How could the Chiefs have the 2 best running backs in the league, the best offensive line, and still be only 2-2? KC

ATL at NO: Hurricane or no hurricane, the Falcons always beat New Orleans. ATL

JAX at PIT: The Steelers may be banged up, but they're becoming Patriots-esque in their resiliency. PIT

MIA at TB: The Dolphins aren't quite good enough to start picking on the road yet. TB

CLE at BAL: The Ravens always seem to beat up on the Browns, so I'll call this my upset special. BAL

NYJ at BUF: Doesn't anyone want to try and steal the AFC East while the Patriots are down? BUF

NE at DEN: Let's see, the Pats big weakness is their secondary, but the Broncos have Jake Plummer. NE

SD at OAK: ESPN is on crack: "Rested Raiders get edge". SD

HOU at SEA: My game I don't care about of the month. SEA

STL at IND: Let's see how the Colts do against an NFL offense for the first time. IND

First of all, let us bow our heads in remembrance of the dearly departed 2005 Boston Red Sox. We hardly knew ye, but we did know that Edgar Renteria was a colossal waste of money and no one seemed much interested in defending last year's World Series title. May the Yankees find a fate as cruel and swift as ye.

NE at ATL: Not only is Michael Vick hurt (and an immobile Michael Vick is probably better off on the bench, since he has absolutely no accuracy in the pocket), but Brady got the team all fired up on Wednesday. It will be an uneven season for the champs, but this is an up week. NE

MIA at BUF: Are the Bills really bad enough to lose to the Dolphins, who everyone expected to be the laughingstock of the league? It looks that way. MIA

CHI at CLE: Shudder. CLE

BAL at DET: Double Shudder. BAL

NO at GB: Sweet merciful crap. GB... Wait a minute, did I read that Najeh Davenport is starting at RB? NO

SEA at STL: The saddest part of all is that these are the best two teams in their division. This should be a heated rivalry, with tempers running high and a both teams getting up for the game. Unfortunately if you combine both coaches, you get Jon Gruden. Tony Dungy at best. STL

TB at NYJ: The Buccaneers may be overrated, but the Jets seem to be having one of those seasons, reminiscent of when Boomer Esiason was still there. TB

TEN at HOU: Both of these teams suck, the difference is that one of them had to fly to another time zone to suck. HOU

IND at SF: The ESPN headline for this game is "Colts have too many weapons for 49ers". Really? You think so? And how about that Colts defense? They've really had to struggle to shut down the high-octane Titans, Browns, and Ravens. If the NFL wants to award them home-field in the playoffs, why not just do that instead of making people pay money to see these scrimmage games every week? IND

PHI at DAL: The Eagles, meanwhile, couldn't possibly have a hard schedule, since they play in the NFC. PHI

WAS at DEN: The sad thing is, the Broncos will be 4-1 when they win this game, and everyone will be all surprised when they don't make the playoffs or lose in the first round again. DEN

CAR at AZ: I feel bad for Kurt Warner, who got upstaged by Josh McCown last week. With any other coach, last week's performance would have earned McCown the starting job for the rest of the season (even though it was against lowly San Fran). With Dennis Green, it may earn him the starting job for the next quarter or two. CAR

CIN at JAX: Those much-hyped bengals have beaten Cleveland, Minnesota, the Bears, and Houston. Not exactly the last 4 Super Bowl winners or anything. I'm sure Lucas will call this one too, but Upset Special anyway. JAX

PIT at SD: Let's see: Pittsburgh is coming off a bye, San Diego is coming off an emotional win against the defending champions. What usually happens in these situations? PIT

Here's the rest of my preseason baseball picks and how it ended up turning out.

NL East
Predicted Finish: Atlanta, Florida, NY Mets, Philadelphia, Washington
Actual Finish: Atlanta, Philadelphia, Florida/NY Mets (tie), Washington
What I said: The Mets tried to buy the division again this year, and once again they'll fail. Pedro will be rejuvenated in the NL until the press starts to dog him, but the rest of the staff is old or hurt and Piazza isn't the force he used to be.
What actually happened Pedro had a good year, but the Mets were never a factor. Florida underachieved and their manager has already resigned because of it.

NL Central
Predicted Finish: Houston, St. Louis, Chicago Cubs, Cincinnati, Milwaukee, Pittsburgh
Actual Finish: St. Louis, Houston, Milwaukee, Chicago Cubs, Cincinnati, Pittsburgh
What I said: By the way, Cardinals fans, is it too late to send Renteria back? He's left scads of runners on base and been a liability defensively for the Sox.
What actually happened: I stand by that statement completely. Renteria led the AL (if not the majors) in errors, had absolutely no power, and was pitiful with runners on base.

NL West
Predicted Finish: San Diego, Los Angeles Dodgers, San Francisco, Arizona, Colorado
Actual Finish: San Diego, Arizona, San Francisco, Los Angeles Didgers, Colorado
What I said: The Dodgers don't have the bats to take the division, and the San Francisco Bonds' may suffer a bit without their one and only player as he alternately rehabs and pouts.
What actually happened: Arizona finished in second, but only because of a surge after they were eliminated. Barry Bonds did in fact spend the year rehabbing and pouting.

At the start of the baseball season, I picked the order in which every team would finish. Most prediction website never look back at how poorly they did, but I intend to do just that (AL today, NL tomorrow).

AL East
Predicted Finish: NY Yankees, Boston, Baltimore, Tampa Bay, Toronto
Actual Finish: NY Yankees, Boston, Toronto, Baltimore, Tampa
What I said: I don't think Pavano will have a good year, as most newcomers to New York usually don't, but I think Mussina and Johnson have one decent year left in them. Meanwhile the Red Sox have Schilling and a bunch of inconsistent arms.
What actually happened: Pavano was terrible until he got hurt, and Mussina and Johnson both had decent years (although Johnson got stronger as the year went on). The Red Sox starting pitching was horribly inconsistent, allowing the Yankees to barely edge them for the AL East title.

AL Central
Predicted Finish: Chicago White Sox, Minnesota, Cleveland, Detroit, KC
Actual Finish: Chicago White Sox, Cleveland, Minnesota, Detroit, KC
What I said: The Twins are the chic World Series pick, but I don't think they have the pitching. Plus, White Sox ownership has shown that it will at least try to make a deadline deal to help the team while Minnesota still whines about not having any money.
What actually happened: I pretty much nailed this one. The White Sox cruised, then almost collapsed, but the Twins were never a factor and never even tried to get into the race.

AL West
Predicted Finish: Angels, Seattle, Texas, Oakland
Actual Finish: Angels, Oakland, Texas, Seattle
What I said: As much as I abhor their name ("Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim"), the Angels are the only complete team in the West. Seattle has the offense but not the pitching, Texas does as well, and Oakland will flounder while they wait for their next crop of Moneyball stars to mature.
What actually happened: I got the winner right but missed the rest. The Mariners were terrible and Oakland didn't miss the big 3 as much as I thought they would.

And now for more predictions, the NFL picks. Lucas may want to turn to Lisa to pull himself out of the basement:

HOU at CIN: More than any other game, this will really be the test of how far the Bengals will go. They've been able to get up for big games before, but can they get up for a game against a non-opponent? CIN

IND at TEN: Are the Titans rebuilding, or just not very good? It won't matter, as the Colts get yet another cream puff opponent before their NFL-aided march into Foxboro in November. IND

SD at NE: Looks like Lucas' strategy backfired last week. The champs are still the champs, no matter how many guys are injured. NE

BUF at NO: I'm done picking the Saints, even against JP Losman. BUF

STL at NYG: Even when the Rams were still the "Greatest Show on Turf", they always had a problem outdoors in New York. NYG

DET at TB: There's no way the Bucs should be 3-0, but the Lions on the road are a trainwreck waiting to happen. TB

SEA at WAS: There's really no way the Redskins should be 2-0. SEA

DEN at JAX: This is the easiest letdown game in the world to pick. I make this my Lock of the Week. JAX

NYJ at BAL: Can you believe that both of these teams were preseason playoff or Super Bowl favorites? Now one of them is starting Anthony Wright and the other possibly Vinny Testaverde. BAL

DAL at OAK: Whoops, I almost missed this one. It's time for the Raiders to put one on the board. OAK

MIN at ATL: Get a hold of yourselves people, last week's performance was just a mirage. ATL

PHI at KC: The Chiefs get to face another gamebreaking wide receiver, but the Eagles have gotten fairly lucky so far and the Chiefs D really has improved. KC

SF at AZ: I'm sure Lucas will make this his game he doesn't care about, but how could you not watch the always exciting Josh McCown square off in Mexico? Both coaches will be looking to avoid the ice water bath at the end of this game. If it's brown, drink it down. If it's black, send it back. AZ

GB at CAR: Most schizophrenic team in the league, meet the owners of next year's #1 draft pick. CAR