I had the occasion to catch a piece of what has been dubbed by every major news outlet as "America's Biggest Surprise Hit" last night: Dancing With the Stars. I once again question television's definition of a "star", especially when they give that label to The Bachelorette, a random supermodel, some soap opera actress, and Joey McIntyre. The only redeeming quality of the otherwise boring and ridiculous show was the actor who played J. Peterman on Seinfeld, who has the same mannerisms in real life as the character. You know there's nothing good on during the summer when this is what has taken America by storm.

Lost in all of the "Smashing Pumpkins are reuniting!" stories all over the internet news last week is what a horrible job the music media has done of covering this. I don't expect much from the major news outlets, which just run the story they get over the AP wire since it's such small potatoes news-wise, but I do expect a bit of actual reporting by the smaller sites.

If anyone did even the most minimal of research, they would find out that Billy Corgan has been posting a sometimes-scathing commentary of his past on his website. A few months back he ripped guitarist James Iha for breaking up the Pumpkins in the first place, and more recently has posted about recording sessions during which James and D'Arcy would sit bored in the corner, if they bothered to show up at all.

Sure, the only reason I know most of this is my latent fanboy-ness, but the reports immediately after last week's announcement sounded straight from a fan website: "Corgan Reuniting Pumpkins!," they exclaimed, although if you actually read the announcement that Billy put in the Chicago paper he said nothing about actually reuniting the old band.

Would it be exciting if it were true? Possibly, although it's hard for people to realize that the success of Siamese Dream was not only due to the quality of the songs but also the era and musical climate during which they appeared, a climate that has changed considerably. But at this point it would be more exciting if there were actually well-researched articles about it.

I cannot understand why people who live in the city feel it necessary to tool around in a vehicle as large as a city block. The parking for my apartment complex is a narrow multi-level garage. It's hard enough for a small car to fit around the corners, yet half the people in here own a gigantic magnum truck or an SUV that's bigger than my apartment.

I think part of it is just the fact that there are so many rural areas around here, and people in rural areas are inexplicably drawn to large trucks as a status symbol, preferably ones large enough to fit multiple stickers of Calvin peeing on a Chevy logo, Dale Earnhardt's racing number with angel wings on it, and those ridiculous "Support Our Troops" magnets which have spread and mutated like a virus (to the point where I saw one the other day with a picture of the late Pope John Paul II on it).

But it's not all rednecks and NASCAR fans, and even as gas prices remain high and the trendiness factor of SUVs fades into the memory of 2001, people with no families continue to buy $40,000 luxury behemoths with a backseat DVD player and multiple zip codes. And it's hard enough to maneuver these buses when you're not incessantly on your cell phone babbling about nothing in particular.

The reason Michael Jackson won his case was that they managed to find the one person crazier than Jackson himself (the accuser's mother) to put on the stand.

This summer has been sadly bereft of good mindless blockbusters. Star Wars was good, and Batman has gotten good reviews, but usually by the middle of June there have been a number of big-budget popcorn flicks. This is why viewership is down, no kids want to see Russell Crowe in the Great Depression when school is out.

If I were to switch religions, I think the absolute last one on the list would be the one that celebrates science-fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard's birthday as a major religious holiday and believes that we are all inhabited by the spirits of space aliens.

There hasn't been a good internet fad in awhile, somebody needs to get on that.

Today on the front cover of the Kansas City Star was an article about building a $100 million NASCAR museum here, right next to the article about Kansas teaching creationism in schools. Read from this what you will.

Advertising is incredibly misleading. Take, for instance, the phrase "98% Fat Free". When this statement is applied to a single item, say, a pound of meat, this makes sense. 98% of the contents of the package is meat, while 2% is fat. When this statement is applied to a composition of multiple items, say, an Uncle Ben's frozen rice bowl, it makes less sense. Most of the contents of the package are rice, which should contain no fat anyway. So does the 98% apply to the rice also? What is it 98% less than, a bowl of pure animal fat? And is it 98% less by weight or volume? 98% sounds like a big number, it must be good for you regardless.

Father's Day is coming up soon, and it reminds me of something. When I was a kid, I would often ask my parents why there was a Father's Day, a Mother's Day, a Grandparents' Day, and a Secretary's Day, but no Children's Day. My parents claimed it was because every day is kids day, and as an only child this was definitely the case.

From a marketing standpoint, however, I can't understand why there *isn't* a Kids' Day. Think about it, our economy revolves around buying toys for children. A store's profitability for an entire year is usually related to Christmas sales, and while electronics stores love to pump up Father's Day as "Buy your Dad a plasma-screen TV" Day, the truth is that nobody really gets expensive electronics for any holiday except Christmas (sorry, Dad).

So why not Kids Day? Plop it right in the middle of summer, when kids come running out of their favorite mindless blockbuster animated feature just itching to play with the action figures and the video game and the officially-licensed knockoff DVDs. If you wait until Christmas, the buzz is gone. But if you throw a major consumer spending holiday in the middle of, say, August, then you get a fresh shot to clear out the excess summer inventory to make room for the sweaters, jeans, and Halloween candy.