"Webster's Dictionary defines a wedding as the removal of weeds from one's garden"---Homer Simpson

This past weekend, Eileen and I attended a wedding. It was the 4th such event I've attended, and the receptions were seemingly all planned by the same person. 'Tis a sorry state of affairs that this great country must rehash the same wedding reception over and over again.

The music, first of all, is sorely lacking. If you're in a band and 50-year-olds are singing along to your songs, it's time to quit the business. And I'm still not quite clear why the union of two people in love is celebrated by doing the Electric Slide.

Because the music is so bad, the dancing quickly degenerates into girls standing in a circle and dancing with each other. No self-respecting male above the age of 7 and below the age of 40 would be caught dead singing along with YMCA or Loveshack, but if it was released in the 80's it attracts girls like an indie concert attracts tight jeans.

Is this the best we can do? We're the country of Las Vegas, the World's Scariest Police Chases, and Paris Hilton. Our wedding receptions should be huge spectacles of absurdity. Where are the midgets being shot out of cannons? Whither the chimp in a tuxedo and top hat? Instead of playing bad 70's and 80's songs, let the drunk guests do karaoke. Then if they want to make fools of themselves, they'll have to do it up on stage in front of everyone.

Nobody has fun at wedding receptions unless you're the one getting married or the one getting so drunk you mistook the wedding cake for one of the bridesmaids. It's time to change things up a little. One of these days...

As we drove past the tree-lined mansions to go to the movies last night, we passed a scene straight out of The OC: a child's birthday party in the yard featuring a giant inflatable moonwalk and two ponies. I wonder if they were the entertainment or two of the birthday presents?

A long time (6 years) ago in a galaxy far, far away (Bear's Mart), a product was sold that was so delicious I would often "buy" (approximate exchange rate: 1 point = $3.50) it by the case: Strawberry-Banana Nutri-grain twist bars. Even though I singlehandedly bought every one that appeared on the shelf at WashU, it was soon after that the tasty snacks disappeared from the shelves, both at school and elsewhere.

For years I hunted in vain for any remaining scraps, but the closest I got was when my parents went on vacation to Canada and sent me back one that they found in a convenience store north of the border. Lately, I've even taken my search to eBay, but all I could find was this.

But sadly, this evening I stumbled upon this page. Rest in Peace, Strawberry-Banana Nutri-Grain bar, at least until I am wealthy enough to purchase the Kelloggs corporation and restore you to prominence.

There is a Pet Expo downtown this weekend, and I couldn't help but notice this blurb about one of the attractions:

Musical Freestyle consists of choreographed musical programs performed by canines and their handlers. The object of Musical Freestyle is to display a dog and handler in a creative, innovative, and original dance, using music and intricate movements to showcase teamwork, artistry, costuming, athleticism, and style in interpreting music.

If you're like me, you probably read the above and immediately thought "I bet there are video clips on the internet of crazy costumed people dancing with their dogs." Well you'd be correct.

We recently got a weekend subscription to the Kansas City Star, and the biggest story the past few days has been the Kansas Board of Education deciding whether Creationism should be taught in science classes as an alternative to Evolution.

The debate has raged for years, so there's no need to rehash it now, but there are a number of issues that make this debate unique. First of all, the members of the Kansas Board of Education, who presumably get to decide what Kansas children will learn in school, were quoted in yesterday's paper as having not read the majority opinion in this case (the case for teaching only evolution in science class) because it was "long" and "complex".

Not surprisingly, these same board members are publicly in favor of teaching creationism, so even if they did take the time to read and/or comprehend it, they wouldn't be swayed from their opinion that the children should be taught both and "choose for themselves which to believe". This sounds like a great idea. So great, in fact, that we should apply it to other classes. Instead of teaching kindergarteners that 2+2=4, we should also give them the dissenting opinion that 2+2=5 and let them choose for themselves which is accurate.

The other interesting part of this debate is that proponents of creationism are framing their belief as the "theory of intelligent design". So they attack evolution itself as being "only a theory, therefore it's not true", then try to posit their own belief as a scientific theory despite the fact that it has no scientific evidence to back it up.

I have a theory too, it's called the theory of cyclic idiocy. In it, I propose that Kansas does whatever it can to perpetuate the notion throughout the rest of the country that it is a bunch of backwards hicks who cling desperately to an idealistic time that never existed anywhere except in their heads. I think this should be taught in schools too, and it doesn't even matter which grade since at this rate Kansans will be back in one-room schoolhouses before you know it.

I've updated my software page with new versions of the Crazy Eights and Magic Eye programs. Separate manifest xml files are no longer needed for spiffy XP-style buttons, I figured out why Crazy Eights wasn't working in Windows 98, and I've created handy Windows Installers for easy installation/uninstallation. Look for a new Utility coming soon...