At long last, this Tuesday we get to vote and put the country out of its misery. No more droning political ads, no more fake interviews with softball questions, and no more stupid Republicans claiming that if gays get married their own marriages will crumble away. Oh wait, I guess we won't be rid of that last one for awhile.

It's probably no secret who I'll be voting for in the presidential election, but the more interesting race in these parts is who will win the congressional seat between Emmanuel "I Live on a Street Named After Him" Cleaver III and Jeanne "Her Husband is the CEO of my Company" Patterson. Cleaver is the heavy favorite, the one with political experience, and the one endorsed by the newspaper, but don't underestimate the fact that Patterson has plowed $3 million of her own money into attack ads and her campaign.

Normally I like to pick a few non-Democrats to vote for, so that I'm not one of those "straight-ticket baby!" nutjobs. I also believe that our goal should be a government that is split 50-50 between Dems and Republicans so that both parties have to compromise and can't just pass whatever crazy legislation they want. Do any of you fellow Missourians have any suggestions for palatable Republicans?

On to the NFL Picks:

JAX at HOU: I expect a letdown this week for the Jags, and the Texans are well rested off a bye and at home. The Jaguars have become the new Titans though, completely impossible to pick. HOU

DET at DAL: Another tough one to gauge. The Cowboys looked dreadful last week, but are the Lions really a 5-2 team? DET

AZ at BUF: What is it this week with evenly-matched teams playing each other? In this case, both teams suck. BUF

BAL at PHI: Everyone is saying that the Eagles will lose this week because of Ray Lewis, but they're forgetting that Ray cannot play running back or quarterback. PHI

GB at WAS: Normally I would pick against the Packers, but in a tribute to Brett Favre's mother and her fight against breast cancer, I will give her son the nod. GB

CIN at TEN: The Titans may have Billy Volek and Antowain Smith in the starting lineup, but I just don't trust the Bengals to win back to back games. TEN

NYG at MIN: Kurt Warner returns to a dome, where he had much of his past successes. Unfortunately the guy putting up gaudy numbers is now on the other sideline. MIN

IND at KC: The Chiefs already showed last year that they couldn't beat the Colts at home. Indy can be beaten by a good defense, but the Chiefs don't quality. IND

CAR at SEA: The Seahawks are in a tailspin, but the Panthers are starting Brad Hoover at running back. Ouch. SEA

ATL at DEN: The Falcons got thoroughly dismantled last week by a good running team, and the same thing will probably happen this week. DEN

OAK at SD: I guess it's time to hop on the Chargers bandwagon against a team that lost to the Saints last week. Maybe the coach wasn't the problem in Oakland last year. SD

NE at PIT: The Pats first loss will be a) on the road b) against a good team c) with a good defense. The Steelers almost quality, but not with a rookie quarterback. NE

SF at CHI: When your starting quarterback wasn't a good passer even in college, it's not a good sign. The Bears won't get my pick for a long while. How did ESPN get stuck with this game? SF

MIA at NYJ: Congratulations to the Dolphins for getting their first win last week, in predictable fashion, against Mike Martz. NYJ

With the election fast approaching, I must say I've been quite disappointed with Missouri's local political ads. "Emmanuel Cleaver will raise your taxes", "Jeanne Patterson will outsource your job", "If I were a recruiter, I would hire Claire McCaskill", "She has great hair". These are not unique (well, besides the hair one), and they don't show the least bit of local flavor. Let me tell you a story.

When I lived in Georgia, Paul Coverdell (pronounced "Coverdale") was running for the senate. In one of his ads, he had an old woman sitting on a rocking chair sing the following song with the most pronounced southern drawl I've ever heard:

Vote Paul Coverdell in the Senate and put Wyche Fowler out
Wyche has proved we don't need him in it and Georgia wants him out
But with Paul Coverdell we'll have a leader of that there is no doubt
So vote Paul Coverdell in the Senate and put Wyche Fowler out

Think about that for a minute, and some things should come to mind. 1) The current senator's name was friggin' Wyche, gotta love Georgia. 2) This was a local ad that ran only for a month or two, yet I still remember the words 10 years later. This has to be the most effective political ad ever, not because it made me vote for Paul Coverdell (I was about 14 years old at the time), but if you heard it once you never forgot the damn thing.

Paul Coverdell ended up winning the election and remained in the senate until his unfortunate death due to a cerebral hemorrhage in 2000. I don't know a single thing about his time in office, he could have appointed the KKK grand wizard as Governor for all I know, but he was truly a pioneer in the field of political advertising. Republican and Democrat alike could stand to take a page from his playbook.

Unfortunately it looks like Lucas forgot to do his picks last week, so this has become a 2 horse race. Actually it's a 1 horse race since Brian is so far behind, but I wouldn't want him to quit doing his picks as well.

JAX at IND: Jacksonville still hasn't shown me that they can beat real teams yet. Didn't this game just happen like 2 weeks ago? IND

PHI at CLE: I know the Eagles aren't going to go undefeated, so I have to pick against them one of these weeks, but it just doesn't feel right to do it this week. PHI

SD at CAR: San Diego has the better record, but the Panthers still have some pride right? CAR

BUF at BAL: I don't think the Ravens offense will be able to score here, but luckily the defense will. BAL

CHI at TB: Jonathan Quinn didn't exactly light it up last week for the Bears, but Tampa hasn't lit it up all season. I don't know who will win, I just know I won't be watching. CHI

DET at NYG: Who would have thought both of these teams would have winning records this far into the season? Despite the rumors you've heard, Kurt Warner is not back to playing well again. He just isn't screwing anything up yet. NYG

TEN at MIN: It's still a little early for the Vikings to choke, and the Titans are a couple of losses away from being done this season. MIN

STL at MIA: UPSET SPECIAL! I love picking against Mike Martz, especially outdoors against a good defense. MIA

ATL at KC: I have a sneaking suspicion that the Chiefs might pull this one out. If they don't, their season is over. ATL anyway.

NYJ at NE: The marquee matchup of the week, and I might get to watch it since the Chiefs play at 1. This has all the makings of a 20-17 game, I'll pick against the Pats so that even if they lose I won't feel as bad. NYJ

NO at OAK: As streaky and crappy as the Saints have been, Kerry Collins has looked downright awful. NO

DAL at GB: Of course I'm picking against the Packers, just because Lucas has bailed out doesn't mean my strategies go out the window. DAL

SEA at AZ: The Seahawks have lost 2 straight games on the road to good teams. The road trip continues, but the competition gets a little easier. SEA

DEN at CIN: And somehow, the Carson Palmer Disaster continues. Looks like the Bengals franchise hasn't turned the corner after all. DEN

Now that the excitement of the Red Sox embarassing the Yankees has started to wear off, it's time to look forward at tomorrow night's World Series. Seemingly everyone I know is a Cardinals fan, which will make the next week more difficult, but they'll learn to deal with loss sooner or later.

It's hard to go from playing the Yankees to facing the Cardinals, as the Yankees are so eminently hatable. In contrast, the Cardinals are just so damn...nice. There are no BALCO investigations or bigots, none of the Cardinals have dated Mariah Carey, no one on the Cardinals suffered a bizarre illness with the exact same symptoms as steroid withdrawal, the Cardinals' owner didn't take away his employees' dental plan, and Redbird fans are not smug, obnoxious jerks who mispronounce the name "Mario".

The Cardinals do share with the Yankees a common bond of having a pitcher punch a wall in disgust after a poor performance, but they don't have a closer who bears a striking resemblance to a fruit bat, an outfielder who recorded a smooth jazz album and looks a little like Mr. Peanut, or an overpriced infielder with blue lips.

Where have you gone, Paul O'Neill, you who often made better contact with the Gatorade cooler in the dugout than with the ball? What happened, Roger Clemens? I'll miss having the opportunity to see you melt down when the fans taunt you for throwing bats. This series has no villains, no one to jeer and taunt (unless you're a Phillies fan with some batteries and Scott Rolen nearby), although it does have a midget.

And if the Cardinals lose, the fans won't bitch and moan or call for their manager's head, and if they win the fans won't riot or flip over cars. Even the Red Sox messageboards, full of passionate fanatics who call Yankee Stadium "The Toilet" and refer to New York City as a 3rd-world country, is strangely respectful of the opposing team, praising Pujols' remarkable career and the Cardinals' team speed and defense (although Sox fans everywhere are licking their chops at the prospect of facing Jeff Suppan in game 7 at Fenway, where he's about 0-Infinity in his career).

Game On.

My posting output has dropped off considerably, as has my sleep since the baseball postseason began. I wrote off the Sox like everyone else when they fell behind 3 games to none, but somehow they pulled it out and exposed the Yankees as the overpaid, steroid-ridden, cheating frauds that they are. Go punch a wall over that, Kevin Brown.

But I'm drawn back online after reading in Student Life that frat parties are now officially dry until the end of the semester. So the Sox stomp all over the Yankees, and the frats are deprived of their precious alcohol, all in a span of 24 hours. It's like my birthday and Christmas all rolled into one!

Of course the decision to enact Prohibition on campus has sparked the usual stream of emails bemoaning the "fact" that now students will be forced to drink illegally in an "unsafe environment" like their dorm room. Apparently hundreds of people crammed into a smelly, dark room filled with loud music and guys looking to get a piece is a "safe environment". Tell that to the people who got in a fight last week.

I still find it hilarious that supposedly-intelligent students don't comprehend why the school must follow state and federal laws. If someone dies of alcohol poisoning while at a school-sponsored event, the school is on the hook. Hence cutting down on kegs at WILD.

The school is not the Vatican, a sovereign nation amidst another, free to enact whatever laws it chooses. Students can't practice concealed carry if they're underage, and they can't drink if they're underage, whether they're at school, at home, or wandering East St. Louis. And if the school has to cover lawsuits by parents because their kids are allowed to drink to excess under the administration's watch, well you thought tuition was high now...

So face it fratties, you'll have to find something else to do on weekends besides wallow in your own crapulence. If you're lefthanded, learn to pitch. Maybe Steinbrenner will throw piles of money at you.

It got cold in a hurry here in KC, going from very warm to very cold in a matter of a few days. Speaking of ice cold, Lucas and Brian haven't been giving me much of a challenge with the NFL picks this season. Maybe they can turn it around this week.

WAS at CHI: Every week there's that one game that you don't know how to pick because not only do you not know who is going to win, but you don't really care. This is that game this week. CHI

MIA at BUF: ...Or maybe it's this game. The Bills have a decent offense and a good defense, while the Dolphins have no offense and a good defense, and they're playing on the road. BUF

SD at ATL: Who would have thought both of these teams would have winning records this far into the season? I'm not totally sold on Atlanta, but I don't much like San Diego in a dome against a good run defense. ATL

HOU at TEN: The Titans were the latest team to beat the crap out of the Packers last week, too bad they have to play an NFL team this week. TEN

CAR at PHI: The Eagles have been quite overhyped and are due to lose one of these weeks, but not agains the Panthers who are going to have to start He Hate Me at the rate they're going with RB injuries. PHI

SF at NYJ: The good news: San Fran had a nice comeback last week for their first win of the season. The bad news: It was against Arizona. NYJ

SEA at NE: This game scares me, a lot, and even more so thanks to the Rams comeback win last week. Otherwise, I would expect an overconfident Seahawks team to come in and drop 10 balls like they usually do. SEA

KC at JAX: Now we'll see how good that Jags run defense really is. Look for Fred Taylor to run for 2000 yards in this game alone. JAX

GB at DET: I would have picked against the Pack this game normally, since Brett Favre turns into Ryan Leaf when he plays in a dome, but my season-long vow makes this a no-brainer. DET

CIN at CLE: The Browns have 2 wins? How is that possible? And how are Bengals fans not running Marvin Lewis out of town for the Carson Palmer Disaster? CIN

DEN at OAK: Why does it seem like there is a "rivalry" between every pair of teams in the AFC West that doesn't involve the Chargers? Let me tell you, I'm watching the Sox-Yankees right now, and Broncos-Raiders is no rivalry. DEN

PIT at DAL: Welcome back to Earth, Mr. Roethligsburgherer. Parcells eats young quarterbacks (and presumably a lot of other stuff) for breakfast. DAL

MIN at NO: The fact that Culpepper through 5 TDs and almost lost last week is just par for the course for the Vikings. Meanwhile how is Jim Haslett still coaching in the Big Easy? The Saints either underachieve every single year, or this team just ain't that good. MIN

TB at STL: This looks like a big mismatch, and despite Mike Martz it actually is. STL

I didn't do a play-by-play of the debate last night because Eileen is here and we switched back and forth between it and the Cardinals game (MLB, in its infinite wisdom, scheduled the Red Sox at the same time so I didn't get to watch. Which in the end was probably best for everyone involved). I did manage to catch Bush's "solution" to outsoucring though, which was to dodge the question and blame American workers' lack of education as the reason jobs are getting outsourced.

I didn't have much time to browse the news sites today, but people must be making a big deal about this right? I mean, the outsourcing has nothing to do with economics and having to pay foreign workers lower wages. No, when a US programmer's job gets lost to India, the answer is to send that programmer, who most likely already went through at least 4 years of college, to community college. As those awful commercials say, brilliant!

And if a factory worker loses his job because we move our factory overseas, we should send all those factory workers to ITT Tech so they can learn how to program. Then they can subsequently lose their jobs to overseas programmers.

About the only thing Bush has shown me he can do in these 3 elections is pound on his podium, make funny faces, and repeat simple phrases like "wrong war at the wrong place at the wrong time" over and over again. But then again, so can a parrot.

And apparently my Teddy Ruxpin joke about someone needing to change Bush's tape apparently wasn't far from the truth. Poor G-Dub, all of the internets are against him.

I almost forgot to do my picks this week amidst the success of the Red Sox. It's amazing how a perennially-underachieving baseball team can make one forget the team that's won 2 of the last 3 Super Bowls.

DET at ATL: Falcons are overrated, Detroit's on the road but in a dome, Lions coming off a bye week. All the making of my upset special this week. DET

MIA at NE: The Patriots look to break the record that isn't really a record this week while the Dolphins look to break into the win column. NE

TB at NO: I'm not very high on either of these teams, but I know by picking the Saints they will find a way to lose. NO

CLE at PIT: Having a guy who can pound it in from the 1 yard line is an important but often overlooked position. Not by the Steelers, and I'm sure the Redskins have noticed for the wrong reasons lately. PIT

MIN at HOU: The Vikings are down to about their 5th string running back, who will still probably do better than Domanick Davis. MIN

NYG at DAL: Kurt Warner isn't really playing much better than he did last couple of years, but the difference is his current coach is not a complete moron. DAL

OAK at IND: I think there's a better chance that Jerry Rice will spread his arms and fly during this game than the Raiders winning. IND

JAX at SD: I really want to pick against the Jags again, as they are terribly overhyped. But I have no faith in the Chargers, who don't have the air attack needed but beat Jacksonville. JAX

BUF at NYJ: Buffalo looked OK last week, but they will have a bit of a letdown now that they're not playing the defending champs. NYJ

AZ at SF: The Niners are at home, and that's about all they've got going for them. AZ

STL at SEA: Why does it seem like Mike Martz is showing off for the media rather than coaching a football team? SEA

CAR at DEN: After this game, it will be official that last season was a fluke for Carolina. Meanwhile Quentin Griffin hasn't done too well in Denver, could this be the first year without a 1000 yard rusher for them since Terrell Davis came on the scene? DEN

BAL at WAS: ESPN.com lists the line for this game as "Baltimore by 33.5". This is most likely a typo, but Washington still has no chance. BAL

TEN at GB: Much to Lucas' dismay, my strategy of picking against the Packers every week has worked perfectly. TEN

I was this close to not doing the running commentary tonight, as the Sox blew a 5 run lead in the 7th inning, but after a walkoff homerun to win the series by David Ortiz, we're back on.

8:01 PM: I'm surprised that the WashU gym was available for the debate, as I'm sure there was a middle school fencing tournament or peewee football camp that wanted the space.

8:04 PM: They just showed a nerdy guy in the audience with huge teeth. That's not going to be a good image for prospective WashU students.

8:07 PM: Bush just pronounced my former school's name even more bizarrely than I usually hear. I guess "Washington" is a few letters too long for him.

8:10 PM: "We all thought there was weapons there." "There wadn't weapons there." It's too bad Kerry can't just quiz Bush on verb tenses, or else this election would have been over long ago.

8:17 PM: The wind up toy trotted out his "wrong war wrong time wrong place" quote again. And another great line: "We're going to make...'lections." ???

8:25 PM: Not a good move for Kerry. When asked what he would do as a president if Iran becomes a nuclear threat, he dodges the question and attacks Bush. He's been successful so far answering the questions and not trotting out party lines, and he should stick to that strategy.

8:32 PM: Bush getting in a little argument with Charlie over what he should talk about. Things are getting feisty.

8:39 PM: Lots of microphone problems so far...AAAH! Bush just called it "Missourah"! He should lose 10 points in the polls just for that.

8:46 PM: I think Bush just called Kerry "Senator Kennedy", although it's often hard to tell what he's saying. Now Kerry is laughing in the background, but at least he's not making Bush-esque faces yet.

8:54 PM: Now neither candidate is attempting to answer questions and both are in mudslinging mode. This doesn't bode well for the senator. Bush already has the vote of all the "git 'er done!" folks, Kerry needs to stick to logical answers and common sense.

9:02 PM: Haha, Kerry just gave some props to Red Sox fans. Too bad he's already spurned most of them by referring to his favorite Sox player as "Manny Ortez", the unholy combination of Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz.

9:08 PM: Bush just implied that outsourcing jobs isn't a problem. That won't go over well.

9:14 PM: We interrupt this debate blog to bring you a Red Sox postgame picture of Pedro Martinez wearing swimmers' goggles and holding a midget wearing a Sox uniform:

9:19 PM: It's funny hearing Dubya talk about science, then go straight to lines like "The Constitution of the United States says...It dudn't say that!"

9:23 PM: Kerry starts talking about his Catholicism, which is a rather touchy subject for him these days, but then goes on to make a good point about not letting personal faith get in the way of the interpretation of the law. Unfortunately, most people like to have pointless fights about when a fetus goes from being cells to being alive. It's funny how everyone's a scientist.

9:28 PM: Kerry just finishes talking about how things are not as black and white as Bush tries to make them, then is immediately followed by Bush claiming "he voted for partial birth abortions, so he's not against partial birth abortions." Does he even listen or is he doodling on his pad?

9:36 PM: I'm not sure who won this one. Bush made a better impression than he did at the last debate, but he still continues to trot out the same talking points over and over again. And that's on the rare occasion he's able to form a complete sentence without mangling his contractions.

If anyone at my office ever talked to themselves while eating lunch, even if it was McDonalds Chicken Nuggets (I will not use their new marketing name out of disrespect), I would hope they would get fired or committed. These commercials have got to go.

September annually signals the premieres of new TV shows, but because of the interminal baseball season, Fox doesn't start its season until November. The other networks have already trotted out this year's crop of unfunny sitcoms and poorly-conceived reality shows though, and I've caught two of them.

Listen Up

A show based on the life of PTI co-host Tony Kornheiser starring Jason Alexander, although if this show is like PTI, half of the episodes will star Dan Lebatard from the Miami Herald. Once again Alexander gets to play a neurotic, self-deprecating bald man, although like the other 80 shows he's done since Seinfeld, it just feels like he's rehashing George Costanza again. Alexander is surrounded by a wife and 2 kids, although the entire show focuses around him, the Wilbon-esque co-host character, and his daughter, and the other characters have minor or nonexistent roles. I give this one a few more weeks and then it's "on hiatus" indefinitely. Can't Costanza stick to Broadway or something?

CSI: NY

For all the bad things I say about CSI: Miami, I continue to watch the show because the crimes are usually unique even if the script is atrocious. In 2 episodes, the New York incarnation of this franchise has had boring plots, generic characters with no interesting personalities or traits, and a green, washed-out look that makes it impossible to see what's going on since everything is blurred together. From watching this show, I've learned that New York is a blurry, greenish cesspool, and they haven't even had any episodes about the Yankees yet.

Now on to the NFL picks:

OAK at HOU: Neither of these teams really inspires much confidence, but Domanick Davis had 12 yards on 10 carries against the worst run defense in the known universe last week. OAK

NYG at GB: I promised to pick against the Packers every week after their debacle 2 weeks ago, and I'll continue to do so. As long as Lucas continues to pick them every week, it'll all even out in the end right? NYG

WAS at CLE: Clinton Portis was unable to score from the 1 yard line 3 times on Monday night. Washington's defense is slightly better than Cleveland's though. And by "slightly" I mean "ridiculously". WAS

PHI at CHI: Philadelphia is so insanely overhyped right now that I really want to pick against them, but I'm not sure who's starting at quarterback for the Bears. PHI

NE at BUF: This streak is going to end sometime, but I hope it's not against an uncompetitive team after a bye week. NE

IND at JAX: Last week's absurd win was the third for Jacksonville, and they really should be 0-3 right now. This past week there have been multiple spottings of, in all seriousness, a mother and baby cougar in the parking lots at work. I take this as a sign that the Jaguars are about to get run over by a truck. IND

CIN at PIT: The Steelers are just glad to not be playing in the middle of a hurricane again. I know the NFL is supposed to play in all weather, but that was just insane. PIT

ATL at CAR: Everyone seems to want to pick the Panthers, but if I remember correctly Michael Vick 0wnZ them. ATL

NO at AZ: The Cardinals have to win sometime, and the Saints are about due for an embarassing road loss, but this just doesn't feel right. NO

DEN at TB: Oh Tampa, how far you've fallen. Something tells me this is the week they finally score some points, though. Upset Special! TB

TEN at SD: Finally Tennessee is starting to lose those games that they should lose, where in years past I'd have to see mulletted Jeff Fisher grinning like an idiot even though his team sucks. TEN

NYJ at MIA: I honestly don't think the Dolphins can win any games this year. Definitely not against the Jets. NYJ

STL at SF: The Rams are hilariously bad this year, finally showing Mike Martz to be the fraud I've always known he is. It would be delicious if they lost this game, but alas...STL

KC at BAL: And the sky is falling at Arrowhead Stadium as the blame is flying and the losses are piling up. I still fail to see why anyone is surprised here. BAL