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 December 24, 2004 - 09:45 PM | chris
Accept No Imitation

I was born in Orlando almost 25 years ago (good god), and back when I lived there it used to be a tiny podunk town with only 3 major theme parks within the city limits. Now it houses a huge airport and infinitely many more major and minor theme parks, and has spawned a booming cottage industry: knockoff merchandise.

Because Florida's major industry is tourism, their most successful consumer good is "t-shirts". And don't worry if you can't afford to buy one with officially-licensed characters on them, because gift shops will be more than happy to sell you ones that bear a vague resemblance to the them but on closer inspection are obvious impostors.

Take, for instance, a shirt I saw in the airport. It featured an underseascape and a large fish in the foreground that looked a lot like the main character of the immensely popular Disney-affiliated film "Finding Nemo". It said "Orlando" in a font that was more than a little similar to the font used on the Nemo movie posters, but on closer inspection the fish had lipstick on.

ATL at NO: Michael/Mike Vick just signed a 10 year contract extension, which is a typical Falcons move. Let's take the biggest injury-risk in the league and guarantee him huge bonuses regardless of whether he's able to play. Brilliant! NO

BAL at PIT: Pittsburgh looks to avenge their only loss of the year, and unfortunately it doesn't look like the Ravens have enough juice to outscore the Pirates at this point. PIT

CHI at DET: Lucas' favorite overrated linebacker is out for the season, and there are rumors Jeff George may take over the helm. Please let it be so. DET

HOU at JAX: The Jaguars absolutely have to win this game, while the Texans are already out of the playoffs. This is the time of year when the teams not playing for anything start to fade away. JAX

NYG at CIN: Have I mentioned that I love seeing Eli Manning fail miserably? CIN

SD at IND: Again Indy has to play a tough team, but again they get to do so indoors and out of the cold. They are going to be totally unprepared come playoff time. IND

BUF at SF: Did you see this Buffalo turnaround coming, because I sure didn't. BUF

NE at NYJ: I'm still trying to recover from last week's game, hopefully the Pats are as angry as I was. NE

AZ at SEA: As little faith as I have in the Seahawks (does anyone remember when they were 5-0?), I have less in the Cardinals. SEA

CAR at TB: It was a magical few weeks, wasn't it Brian Griese? CAR

WAS at DAL: Joe Gibbs has announced that Patrick Ramsey will be the starting QB in 2005. When teams make announcements about next year, it's a good sign they've packed it in. DAL

CLE at MIA: The Browns don't even deserve a sentence about them in my post this week. MIA

PHI at STL: The Eagles have lost TO, they've possibly lost Pinkston, they have nothing to play for this week, yet something tells me the Rams find a way to lose anyway. They do so often. PHI