Tomorrow, at the fantastic hour of 6 AM, I will embark on a long and strange trip back in time to the analog age. It all started about a month ago when American Airlines cancelled my flight home to Stuart for Thanksgiving. My parents, knowing that the house they were having built in North Carolina was supposed to be done by Halloween, changed it to a flight out into Atlanta, planning to meet me there and then drive up to the new house.

But then, 2 problems arose: First of all, "done by Halloween" became "done by Thanksgiving" and then "done by the second week of December", so the house is not actually inhabitable. Then, we discovered that the American flight from STL to ATL was scheduled to be on what we in the business call a "small-ass plane, possibly with propellers, that you would have to sedate me in order to force me on".

So now I am flying to Atlanta on a Delta flight that leaves at 7:30 AM on Thanksgiving morning, then driving 2.5 hours up to North Carolina to stay in a hotel and eat Thanksgiving dinner at a restaurant. All the while, I will have no internet access. What will I do?!?! Read by kerosene lantern? Go to sleep early so I can wake up at 5 AM and milk the cows? Walk uphill both ways to the store to get penny candy?

Possibly all of these, but one thing I won't be doing is posting to this weblog. So that necessitates me doing all of my NFL Picks now (what a segue!).

GB at DET: All of the points Lucas makes are valid, but he's forgetting one thing: the home team has a tremendous advantage on Thanksgiving Day. Regardless, the Packers are a team on the rise. GB

MIA at DAL: But this Thanksgiving home team will beat the stuffing and cranberry sauce out of the predictable Dolphins. DAL

NE at IND: It's put up or shut up time for the Patriots, who absolutely own Peyton Manning. Regardless of how bad they are, they always beat the Colts. NE

MIN at STL: Minnesota is underachieving, and St. Louis is barely beating bad teams. I think Holt and Bruce will exploit the Vikings secondary, and the football gods will punish Minnesota for benching Moe Williams. STL

BUF at NYG: The Giants always finish the year strong, while Drew Bledsoe always limps his way to the finish line. NYG

CIN at PIT: I'm itching to pick Pittsburgh again, but the Bengals pass offense will exploit their weak secondary again. CIN

PHI at CAR: Philadelphia is hot, while Carolina lost to crappy Dallas last week. Regardless, I'm still not sold on the Eagles' painful-to-watch-as-a-fantasy-football-player running back by committee. CAR

SF at BAL: Baltimore pulled last week out of their collective asses, this week it's back to Earth for their crappy offense. SF

ATL at HOU: The Falcons almost pulled it out for me last week, taking a huge lead on Tennessee then injuring Steve McNair. Houston has impressed me and Domanick Davis will go beserk. HOU

AZ at CHI: Ouch. CHI

NO at WAS: I said I'd never pick the Saints again if they lost last week, so I'm forced to side with Steve Spurrier. WAS

DEN at OAK: Last week was an aberration for the Denver offense. Portis can run at will against the Raiders. DEN

KC at SD: Priest Holmes will have over 100 yards by the end of the first quarter. KC

CLE at SEA: Last week's embarassment aside, Seattle isn't that bad of a team, and they usually win home games. SEA

TB at JAX: The Bucs are fighting for their playoff lives. I said I'd never pick them again, but look at their crappy schedule. JAX

TEN at NYJ: Wow, a great Monday night matchup for once. I'll make this one my Upset Special, since the Jets will have seen some film on Mr. Volek by now. NYJ

I'll be back Monday night. Have a great break everyone!

Unlock your bikes, leave your car windows down, and stop packing heat everyone, St. Louis is no longer the Stealingest City in America ©. Detroit has upped the ante and reclaimed the title it held from 1999 until we scored the big upset in 2002. Never fear, though, we're still lurking in second place and poised to make another run at the championship next year.

Since -- according to the Galleria Mall -- the "Christmas Season" began 3 weeks ago, there has been some discussion about good and bad Christmas songs. For example: Jingle Bells = Good, Jingle Bell Rock = Bad. I'd like to hear some other people's take on their favorite/least favorite Christmas (or Hanukkah or Kwanzaa) carols, but first I force you to read my opinions:

The Good

Jingle Bells -- With normal, non-Batman-related lyrics
Deck the Halls -- What other song has the versatility to be transformed into an ode to arson at school by generations of children?
The Chipmunk Christmas Song -- Alvin? ALVIN!
The Smashing Pumpkins -- Christmastime
New Found Glory -- Ex-Miss
Zebrahead -- Deck the Halls [I Hate Christmas]

The Bad (Normal Christmas songs that just aren't very good)

I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas -- The voice puts me to sleep faster than too much Thanksgiving turkey and the Dallas Cowboys offense
Come, Dear Children -- "Come dear children, don't be dallying, all the family now is rallying" sounds like the kids are coming in as 4th an 5th receivers in the spread offense on 3rd and long or something
Drummer Boy -- First of all it was sung at one point by the BeeGees, secondly it always bothered me that the kid was going to play the drums for newborn baby Jesus. It's hard enough to get babies to stop crying without drum solos.
Holly Jolly Christmas -- Holly is not an adjective dammit!
Jingle Bell Rock -- Where did this abomination come from?

The Ugly (Made-up carols that are just lame)

Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth
Anything on the Hanson Christmas album

While playing flag football this morning, I noticed that there was some sort of girls soccer game going on in the field next to us. In the tree next to the field there was what looked like a guy standing on a branch watching. I thought nothing of it until a few hours later when the soccer game was over and the guy was still in the tree. Turns out it wasn't a guy at all, but a dummy. There appeared to be at least one other one in another tree in the field next to Graham Chapel. Who puts dummies in the trees at WashU? And Why? I've seen bizarre things in my day, but this takes the cake.

On to the NFL picks.

DET at MIN: I need to pick more upsets this week, but you heard what I said last week about the Lions and road games. I believe they have a chance to win this one, but 3 years of history trumps my random hunch. MIN

JAX at NYJ: These teams have similar records, but the Jets are clearly the better team. Look for them to play the spoiler in the AFC East race. NYJ

NO at PHI: Here's the first upset, although it's not much of one. The Saints did barely beat Atlanta last week though. NO

SEA at BAL: This would be another, except the Ravens can't score points. They have the defense to stay in it, but they might as well have one of the WashU Tree Dummies at QB. SEA

NE at HOU: This is the perfect trap game: on the road, quality opponent with a bad record, 2 big games against Miami and Indianapolis coming up. Plus, if I pick the Pats to lose, then either way I'll be happy. HOU

IND at BUF: Right now I don't think the Bills could score on WashU's team. Drew Bledsoe is clearly not the answer. IND

PIT at CLE: Yuck. Do I pick the crappy team or the crappier team? Cleveland used up all their scoring last week against the lowly Cardinals I think. PIT

CAR at DAL: As they showed last week, Dallas has no offense whatsoever. Yet the ESPN announcers still compared Quincy Carter to Joe Montana near the beginning of the game. And it wasn't a sentence like "Quincy Carter is the worst Quarterback in football, who would be outdueled by 50+ year old Joe Montana". CAR

SF at GB: Terrell Owens will have a letdown this week after using up all his catches when he was on national television. Oh T.O., is this what you learned while playing under Jerry Rice? GB

CHI at DEN: The Bears are pathetic, yet they almost beat the Rams last week. Not much else to say about them except they are the most boring team in football. DEN

STL at AZ: If Cleveland could score 44 points against the Cardinals, then surely the Rams could score 50 right? Could is the operative word here, as the arrogant Mike Martz will try to waste timeouts and lose the game any way he can. STL

CIN at SD: If the Bengals were playing even a half-decent opponent this week I would have picked against them, but Flutie has already used up his one good game. CIN

OAK at KC: Back to normal for the Chiefs: playing crappy opponents and barely beating them. KC

TEN at ATL: The Titans played poorly against the Jags last week, and Atlanta almost beat New Orleans. You don't think....nah....yeah, why not. ATL

WAS at MIA: As badly as they've played lately, the Dolphins are still one or two games away from [dun dun dun...] December. It's not a good sign that they're counting on Oronde to turn around their offense though. MIA

NYG at TB: Why do the schedulemakers do this to me? Both of these teams could show up and be great, or they could not show up at all. On principle, I will not pick Tampa, since they're burned me so many times in the past. NYG

David and I get most of our daily sports news from ESPN's show Pardon the Interruption, which features balding Tony Kornheiser and fake-street-cred Michael Wilbon arguing about the previous day's events in sports, as well as exciting pop culture news like the bear falling out of the tree onto the trampoline and the lawyer getting shot and hiding behind a tree.

So if these two guys can sit on tv for 30 minutes a day and argue about sports, why can't two other guys (say, any permutation of David, michael, and I) get paid to argue about Computer Science topics for 30 minutes? I mean, who wouldn't tune in to hear which is better, Apple or Microsoft? Or the latest lawsuits by the RIAA? It would be like a 30 minute Slashdot post with only 3 uninformed folks commenting rather than thousands of idiots making the same jokes. TechTV here we come...

Apple sucks.

The other day we bought Xiaoou an aquarium and a fish to raise, but it died within 24 hours because we probably put it in the tank too fast (you're supposed to wait a few days for the tank to grow bacteria and such). Then today I went into work and found that Commodore Baron von Fishington had departed the DOC Group for the great Thai Rice Patty in the Sky.

I cleaned the Commodore's tank out today, and I'm going to let it sit for a few days before trying to introduce some new fish. I might go with something besides a Betta this time, since I would like to be able to have more than one, although Winter Break may prove to be the end of whatever variety of sea life I obtain.

Now that the interview season is pretty much over, I get to sit back, relax, and concentrate on doing the important things in life like watching the Patriots and posting to this weblog. But one person who does not get to relax yet is my girlfriend Eileen, who is giving a speech to the architecture school tonight.

According to a variety of polls, the number one fear in the world is "public speaking", followed closely by "death" and "dying while speaking publicly". So while seemingly every no-talent hack can go on Fox and caterwaul some lame adult contemporary hit from 10 years ago for American Idol, very few people can stand up in front of a small group of their peers and deliver a short, prepared statement.

With thesis defenses coming up, here is a site that talks about how to deal with the stresses of talking in front of people. In addition to these tips, I offer a few of my own:

-Certain CS professors will always ask dumb or insulting questions regardless of how well-prepared you are, so have some snappy remarks ready for them.

-Not only are most audience members not sitting there critiquing you in their minds, most of them are not paying attention at all. A boring speech will ensure that even if you do screw up, virtually no one will notice or remember this later.

-Passing out candy or pastries right before the speech will distract the audience away from your talk. The more delicious the better. Food also causes people to become sleepy. Combine this tactic with turning up the heat in the room and you'll have most of your audience snoring by the time you reach your main points.

-When talking to people who are specialists in your field, flatter them with ego-stroking pleasantries so they don't correct your many minor factual errors. Likewise, when dealing with newbies, talk down to them in a haughty manner so that they are too much in awe of your eliteness to actually check any of your statements for accuracy.

With these tips, fear of public speaking will move way down on your personal phobia list, even below "spiders", "the dark", "monkeys", "clowns", and "the smell that's coming out of the DOC Group fridge".

I made it back from KC intact, despite the weather, so it's back to sleeping, working, and doing NFL picks. Lisa retains her slight lead after taking over for a punchless Lucas, so I need to pick up some ground this week.

BAL at MIA: The Dolphins are an astonishing 1-3 at home, and it only gets worse from here. They may not even be good enough to have a December collapse this year. This is a winnable game though, since Baltimore is starting Anthony Wright. Where, oh where, is Jeff George? MIA

ATL at NO: The Saints have vaulted themselves back into the playoff race in the pathetic NFC, while the Falcons have doubled their win total! Rumor has it that Michael Vick might play one or two series' next week, but zero series' this week. NO

NYG at PHI: It's about time for Jim Fassel to guarantee the playoffs and start calling the offensive plays himself. Meanwhile the Eagles have already won too many games in a row. In a Jr. Upset Special: NYG

WAS at CAR: So the 'Skins beat the overrated Seahawks, big deal. Stephen Davis will run for 200+ yards in this game, while his replacement, Trung Canidate, will get injured. CAR

HOU at BUF: Why is it that Drew Bledsoe plays like an all-world quarterback for the first 4 weeks of the season, then like a corpse for the rest of the year? It's like coaches forget during the offseason how to beat him, then in a couple of weeks they remember "oh yeah, if we just shut down his one good receiver and pressure him, he'll fumble and force interceptions because he has the escapability of an oak tree". BUF

STL at CHI: It's my newly-coined "Blowout of the Week". The Bears had their run against the dregs of the league, then they lost to Detroit. Now it's back to being the same old Bears. STL

KC at CIN: This had all the makings of an upset special: on the road, against a decent but easily-overlooked team, coming off a blowout win. But then Chad Johnson had to open his big mouth. KC

AZ at CLE: Ugh, it's the Snoozer of the Week. But we all learned what happens when coaches cut team leaders... AZ

JAX at TEN: The Titans are not as good as they are playing, if that makes sense. But then again, neither are the Jaguars... TEN

NYJ at IND: Without Harrison, coming off a loss, the Colts are in trouble. Luckily the Jets stink. IND

SD at DEN: I'm still not quite sure how the Chargers won last week except that they benched Drew Brees. Luckily the Danny Kanell era is over in Denver. DEN

DET at SEA: The Lions still haven't won a road game in the last 2.5 years. I won't pick them on the road until they've proven they remember how to play there. SEA

GB at TB: Both of these teams are playing for their playoff lives right now. I keep picking Tampa and they keep losing, but I know Lucas will pick Green Bay this week and I need to make up some ground. TB

MIN at OAK: The Vikings can't possibly lose 4 in a row can they? They can, but Oakland is pathetic. MIN

DAL at NE: Ah, the battle of the worst 7-2 teams in NFL history. One will be the worst 8-2 team in NFL history, while one will be the worst 7-3 team in NFL history. Luckily the Patriots are beyond their little Parcells curse now that they've gotten rid of Mr. Bledsoe. NE

PIT at SF: In the spirit of guarantees, I guarantee that Terrell Owens will have 10+ catches for 150+ yards in this game, plus some cool end zone celebration prepared. SF

I'm nearing the end of the neverending and painful job search process for this semester, and that means flying to Kansas City tomorrow for the final round of interviews with Cerner. After that I have nothing else scheduled, although hopefully I will get called back for other second interviews. But I could definitely use a break from flying, wearing suits, and telling the same stories about times I've worked on a team.

Today during class I had a great idea for a research project. Can monkeys (or apes) be taught to play Super Mario Brothers? They have opposable thumbs, how long will it take for one, given a Nintendo controller, to realize that their actions control the character on the screen? And from their, if we penalize them for losing lives by shocking them with electricity and reward them for completing a level by giving them delicious bananas, how long before they can play the game competently? This is important research, and could give us real insights into the minds of monkeys playing video games. I suggest that the DOC group where I work take up this project immediately before some other enterprising researcher steals it.

Last weekend I had a conversation with a few of my friends about politics. This is out of the ordinary because I usually steer clear from political things, choosing instead to discuss the merits of Fox's new Sunday night lineup (good), whether the Patriots are the worst 7-2 team in the history of the NFL (no, this year's Dallas Cowboys are), or whether DJs are musicians (they most certainly are not).

In the past I had always assumed that I was liberal because my parents often voted Democratic, and I grew up associating conservatives with donut-eating loudmouths like Rush Limbaugh. However, when I think about what my actual stance is on a variety of issues, I don't know where I would stand. Would the more politically-inclines among you try and sort out which side of the fence I lie on based on these random opinions:

-Cigarettes should be banned, at least in public places. My right to breathe trumps your right to kill yourself slowly.

-We need a more solid drug policy that scientifically defines substances as drugs or not drugs based on their addictiveness and toxicity. All those that qualify as "drug" remain illegal, all those that don't qualify get legalized. This way all the Marijuana hippies can put up or shut up.

-All the consensual sex laws (i.e. sodomy, etc.) are stupid and unenforceable. If you want to have sex with sheep in your own home, let PETA deal with it.

-DUI should be tried as attempted murder, since it's only your dumb luck that you didn't kill somebody.

-No more tax loopholes. Everybody who is above the poverty line gets taxed the same percentage, and rich people can't get out of it.

-Economic sanctions against US companies that ship their labor overseas so they don't have to pay their employees.

-People who own giant gas-guzzling SUVs but live in cities should have to pay some sort of yearly Environmental Tax to make up for their polluting vehicles. Tax is doubled for especially ugly SUVs like the Honda Element, shown here in an environment that the car is clearly not actually in.

I have a normal post planned for later, but might as well get the NFL picks out of the way. Yes, I am now losing to Lisa for the first time this year.

ATL at NYG: Still no sign of Michael Vick or a competent secondary in Atlanta. Kerry Collins could throw for 500 yards. NYG

AZ at PIT: Bad teams don't win on the road, and while both of these teams qualify as bad, only one of them is at home. PIT

SEA at WAS: I'm done picking Washington. They're falling apart and they have no running back. Seattle is overrated, so chances are they will lose this game, but I just can't pick the Redskins. SEA

TB at CAR: It has been win-lose-win-lose for the Bucs, and this is a "win" week. TB

IND at JAX: I think I've picked every Jaguars game correctly so far, since all they do is lose. IND

HOU at CIN: How did the Bengals lose last week? They have the easiest schedule in the world, and they still manage to go 3-5. CIN

CHI at DET: The Bears are not nearly good enough to be 4-5, and they haven't won a road game yet this year. It pains me to pick Detroit, but I will anyway. DET

MIA at TEN: The Dolphins are undefeated on the road, while Tennessee is undefeated at home. The difference is that Miami is playing basically without an offensive line. TEN

CLE at KC: It seems like an inordinate number of people are picking the Browns to win this game. They obviously forgot that the Browns are averaging about 9 points a game. KC

MIN at SD: All of a sudden, the Vikins don't look so good anymore. Luckily for them, they get to face 42 year old Doug Flutie and the Chargers. MIN

NYJ at OAK: Both of these teams are bad, but at least Chad Pennington has been doing well. NYJ

BUF at DAL: Has Bledsoe ever beaten a Parcells-coached team? As much as the Cowboys are overrated, coach will have them all trained on Drew's typical moves: the red zone chuck and pick, and the 10 yard sack and fumble. DAL

BAL at STL: This is another one where the "experts" seem to love the Ravens. Hello, they have no offense. STL

PHI at GB: Never pick against the Packers at home in the winter on Monday night. GB

So earlier this week I had my interview with Cerner, which went absolutely horribly. It was early in the morning, and I didn't get much sleep the 2 nights before, and my head was pounding so much that I couldn't concentrate. I answered the question "tell me about the experience you've had with the programming languages you know" with "Well I've known Java for awhile, like 6 years, and Visual Basic I learned this summer but I've known BASIC since I taught it to myself when I was 10, and I kinda know C++. What else did I say I knew?"

Brilliant.

But somehow, despite this, I got invited to Kansas City next week for the final round of interviews.

Speaking of jobs and interviews, I forgot to mention on here before that Lucas has bestowed upon me the great honor of being one of his professional references when he applies for jobs. For those of you who wonder if companies ever actually follow through with references, I can now say that the answer is yes. Today someone from a place where Lucas is applying called and asked me a variety of questions about Mr. Fox, such as:

"Is it true that the only way he is winning in the NFL picks is by letting his girlfriend do all the picking?"

and

"Has Lucas achieved most of his successes in school because of his intelligence and work ethic or the fact that he is taller than the other children?"

Ha ha, they didn't actually ask me either of these questions, but I think that I gave Talls a sterling review on the questions they did ask. If he gets hired, he owes me...say...20% of his annual paycheck. If he is not hired I give him my full permission to pelt me with tomatoes and other assorted vegetabalia.

In case you were on the west coast at the time and missed it, like I was, this very website was quoted in an article in Student Life last Wednesday. The post referred to in the article is here.

Meanwhile I've got a 2nd interview with Cerner tomorrow morning, so I can't watch too much of the Patriots' fumbling and stumbling.

The Top 3 Halloween costumes I saw this weekend:

3) Zack Morris, complete with gigantic phone
2) Strong Bad, complete with boxing gloves

and the piece de resistance:

1) The Noid

It has come to my attention that many of you younger folks are uncultured and do not know of the wonders of the Noid. I therefore point you in the direction of this site, which describes the Noid's meteoric rise to superstardom and his dizzying descent from advertising nirvana. It even has screen shots of the Noid's obviously-late-80's Nintendo game and a realvideo of his first commercial!

Educate yourselves people. If nothing else, I am here to teach.

NFL picks will have to be done in double-time this week, since I'm about to leave to go play basketball. Without further ado or taunting of Lucas:

IND at MIA: Ah, the marquee matchup of the week already. Miami's starting Griese again, but the Colts are a bit better than the Chargers. IND

NYG at NYJ: The battle of crappy New York teams that don't play in New York. NYG

NO at TB: Last year the Saints somehow beat the Bucs twice. Won't happen again. TB

JAX at BAL: My apologies again to Lisa, but the Jaguars are pitiful. The Ravens aren't that great either, but still...BAL

CAR at HOU: Houston will not score a point in this game. CAR

SD at CHI: How do the Bears get to play so many crappy teams? SD

OAK at DET: It's a home game, so the Lions actually have a chance of winning, but they won't. OAK

PIT at SEA: The Steelers just looked terrible against the Rams last week. Terrible. SEA

CIN at AZ: Goodness, this won't be pretty. Kitna could throw for 400 yards against the Cardinals. CIN

STL at SF: The Rams are rolling, but it's time for them to play outdoors again. At this point the Niners are wracked by injuries and Terrell Owens' mouth though. STL

PHI at ATL: Will the Falcons ever win again? Perhaps. PHI

WAS at DAL: Can this really be called an upset special? Not really, but I hate the Cowboys anyway. WAS

GB at MIN: Lucas, get ready for your season to be over. MIN

NE at DEN: It's time for the Patriots' annual loss to the Broncos. It's the one sure sign that Winter is coming. DEN