Now that the interview season is pretty much over, I get to sit back, relax, and concentrate on doing the important things in life like watching the Patriots and posting to this weblog. But one person who does not get to relax yet is my girlfriend Eileen, who is giving a speech to the architecture school tonight.

According to a variety of polls, the number one fear in the world is "public speaking", followed closely by "death" and "dying while speaking publicly". So while seemingly every no-talent hack can go on Fox and caterwaul some lame adult contemporary hit from 10 years ago for American Idol, very few people can stand up in front of a small group of their peers and deliver a short, prepared statement.

With thesis defenses coming up, here is a site that talks about how to deal with the stresses of talking in front of people. In addition to these tips, I offer a few of my own:

-Certain CS professors will always ask dumb or insulting questions regardless of how well-prepared you are, so have some snappy remarks ready for them.

-Not only are most audience members not sitting there critiquing you in their minds, most of them are not paying attention at all. A boring speech will ensure that even if you do screw up, virtually no one will notice or remember this later.

-Passing out candy or pastries right before the speech will distract the audience away from your talk. The more delicious the better. Food also causes people to become sleepy. Combine this tactic with turning up the heat in the room and you'll have most of your audience snoring by the time you reach your main points.

-When talking to people who are specialists in your field, flatter them with ego-stroking pleasantries so they don't correct your many minor factual errors. Likewise, when dealing with newbies, talk down to them in a haughty manner so that they are too much in awe of your eliteness to actually check any of your statements for accuracy.

With these tips, fear of public speaking will move way down on your personal phobia list, even below "spiders", "the dark", "monkeys", "clowns", and "the smell that's coming out of the DOC Group fridge".