My hatred of cs441 knows no bounds. Charlie (it would be much easier to link to his site if he were to join -273 or get a domain name, hint hint...) was kind enough to assist me in doing part of the homework this time so that I will not fail (Charlie's a TA, he's allowed to assist). However, problem #1, the first problem, the easiest problem, is to implement an algorithm that is already given to us. Normally these are the only problems I actually do well on, but this one is proving to be quite a huge pain, especially since I have no idea what the answer should be even if I do happen to stumble across a correct implementation. I don't know how many hours I'm supposed to be spending on this class, but in reality I'm probably spending about 15-20 hours per week on it and still not passing as of right now.

And I hate it. I hate any class that requires that I back up my wild claims that my programs work, and this is definitely one of them. What does it say about me and my future career as a Computer Scientist when my two least-favorite types of classes are those that involve hardware (I like to think of computers as magic boxes that do whatever I tell them to. When you start talking data buses and physical addresses my eyes glaze over) and those that deal with software in a formal manner (proofs of correctness, time complexity, any sort of mathematical symbols). The problem is, these topics are a good portion of Computer Science. I can't avoid them forever, and the fact that I continue to try, and that I kick and scream whenever I have to do anything that involves formal math, is what makes me question why I chose this major over, say, anything else. I wouldn't be doing it if there weren't definitely things about it that I like about the major, but sometimes the stuff that I don't like seems to greatly outweigh that which I do.

Well the NFL picks standings may currently be 36-10 for Lucas and an underwhelming 29-17 for me, but I'm not the Rams. I'm capable of coming from behind and winning, and I'm going to see this through all the way to its completion...

NO at DET: NO. The Lions almost beat the Packers last week, must to the chagrin of Lucas. This week they're playing a team with a defense, though.

CAR at GB: GB. Oh those lucky lucky Packers. As unimpressive as they've looked all season, they still manage to not only have a winning record, but they still have a "healthy" Terry Glenn. Not that he's had any impact whatsoever, but at least he hasn't been a distraction...yet.

MIA at KC: MIA. The Patriots may have overlooked the Chiefs, but the Dolphins saw last week's game and won't make the same mistake. While tearing my hair out last week watching the Pats give up yard after yard to Priest Holmes, one couldn't help but scream out "HE IS THEIR ONLY GOOD PLAYER! COVER HIM!" And I did. Numerous times.

CHI at BUF: BUF. The lucky Bears finally lost last week, and now they get to play at that wacky stadium they have in Buffalo. Buffalo's entire secondary is injured, but look for Bledsoe to throw 2...no 3 picks anyway.

DAL at STL: STL. For the third straight week, the Rams are "not panicking" despite the fact they have no wins this season and their all-world quarterback looks like he may have pulled a Rookie of the Year and lost whatever magic he obtained 4 years ago. Note to the most arrogant coach in the NFL: if you lose to the Cowboys, it's time to start panicking.

HOU at PHI: PHI. Don't need to back up this pick at all. David Carr is averaging about 90 yards passing per game. That's not good.

CLE at PIT: PIT. You don't honestly expect the Steelers to go 0-3 do you? Not as long as Bill Cowher is their coach. He scares the hell out of me, and he gets madder and madder the more they lose. If Kordell struggles early, we may have a Tommy Maddox sighting.

NYJ at JAX: JAX. I don't think the Jets could beat their own practice squad right now. I'm not kidding.

NYG at AZ: AZ. The Giants only beat the Seahwaks by 3 last week. Therefore I don't pick them this week. They've done the crime, now they'll do the time.

TB at CIN: TB. Hahahahahahaha. The Bengals' organization is one gigantic joke. Laugh it up folks, I smell 0-16.

TEN at OAK: OAK. The Tennessee Titans (still the stupidest name in sports) may or may not show up to this game, depending apparently on a variety of factors that have nothing to do with football. How else to explain their loss to Dallas?

NE at SD: NE. I pity Drew Brees. The Super Bowl Champion defense probably got their asses kicked this week in practice for letting the Chiefs put a 38-spot on them. I don't think all of the Chargers will leave the stadium alive.

MIN at SEA: MIN. Is their ever anything going through Randy Moss' head? "Hmm...that woman is stopping me from making an illegal turn. Gut reaction: push her down the street. Go with it Randy. You're the man." He's like a walking circus act. If he and Brian Griese ever got together, the world might cease to spin on its axis.

DEN at BAL: DEN. Brian Griese may have been pushed down the stairs by his own dog (you just can't make this stuff up people), but last time I checked the Ravens had one touchdown all season. Note to to the second-most arrogant coach in the NFL: you must score points to win.

At work I operate a lightning-fast Dell computer running the latest distribution of RedHat Linux. One of the benefits of the Linux experience is all sorts of neat little applets that I can run in the task tray. One such applet is called KWeather, and it displays an icon representing the weather and if you click on it brings up details and the temperature. The only problem is that it is constantly about 2 hours behind. And never accurate for the time specified. For instance, let's say it's 2:00 PM and you look out the window and see it's raining. 4:00 rolls around and you click on KWeather and it will invariably say "Partly Cloudy, 2:00". I mean I can understand not being able to predict the weather, but it's pretty sad when you're unable to accurately report on weather that has already happened. Yet I continue to run KWeather while I work, which is sadder still.

Tonight I visited Mr. Wizard's Frozen Custard on Big Bend. Here's a rundown:

-Ted Drewes: cheap. Mr. Wizard's: more expensive.
-Ted Drewes: goes with the "hire as many employees as will physically fit in the building" approach. Mr. Wizard's: goes with 2 employees and a huge line.
-Ted Drewes: has those awful television commercialls with the TerraMizzou sundae gyrating on the screen. Mr. Wizard's: has a graphic straight out of the 80's of a wizardly-looking fellow zapping an ice cream cone with a lightning bolt.
-Ted Drewes: hotspot for high school girls after prom. Mr. Wizard's: hotspot for middle school girls having conversations like "when we're in high school, we're never gonna stay in on Friday night, even if it just means watching a movie or talking on the phone". Such high aspirations.
-Ted Drewes: situated next to the religious supply store with the giant Jesus who is taller than the Arch. Mr. Wizard's: situated next to the residence of a dog who never, ever stopped barking.

So there you have it. Choose your frozen custard establishment wisely.

A while ago (back in August to be precise), I posted about my continuing adventures in purchasing an automobile. Now that I've had the car for over a month, I bet you're wondering what kind of wacky adventures I've had in it. Well, none actually, but here are some car-related tidbits...

The other day I was playing tennis with Berney, Liz, and our friend Elizabeth, and afterwards I get in the car to give Elizabeth a ride home. I start the car and begin to move forward, but from the depths of the wheelwells ("that part above the wheels") comes an awful screeching noise. I hearken back to the words my father told me when I was young ("Now son, if you're ever driving and the brakes make a screeching noise, it means you need to replace your brakepads"), but soon realize that the noise only happens when the brakes aren't engaged. Soon thereafter, I notice that the big brake light is lit on the console. This is bad, since the lights are only supposed to be on if my car is either: a) just being started up or b) in a heap of flaming wreckage on the side of the highway. After pondering for a moment how I was going to get Elizabeth home in a car that wouldn't go more than 5 miles per hour without emitting a banshee wail, I realized what the brake light meant: my parking brake was on. For you see, I had been parked on an incline and being the safe, intelligent driver that I am, I used the parking brake to make sure my car didn't roll out into the street. After releasing the parking brake, the car was once again scream-free, and I felt like possibly the biggest moron in the world (even bigger than, say, Eddie the Echo flirting with the mom in his latest inane commercial).

On Sunday, I went out to the parking lot to drive across the street to pick up a pizza, and my car was no longer in the spot I had parked it in. In its place was a white car. My car is not white. My car is silver. After about a minute of staring at the parking lot, I realized that it was, in fact, my car but that the sun was shining on it in such a way as to make it look white. The point of this is not that, once again, I am an idiot, but that at no point during this whole thing was I actually surprised that my car appeared to be stolen. In fact, last night I had to park on the street because the lot was full, and I almost expected my car not to be there this morning. I have become so accustomed to the flagrant crime of St. Louis, the stealingest city in the nation, that I am actually more surprised when my car isn't stolen.

So as you can see, I haven't had as many adventures in the car as misadventures with the car.

Hooray for me! I went 12-2 in NFL picks action. Unfortunately, as already pointed out, Lucas was an ungodly 13-1. Lucas stands in first at 36-10, while I've improved my record but not my standing at 29-17.

The Daily Show tonight reported on a beer-drinking goat that was elected mayor of a small town in Texas. Could this happen in any country besides America? Could it happen in any state besides Texas? What does that say about the qualifications of the actual candidates, that they would be beaten out not only by someone not on the ballot (at least I hope not), but by an animal that eats garbage.

In other election-related news, there's a chance that Rob Reiner could run for Governor against ArnoldWBIZ/TV/09/20/american.candidate.ap/index.html" target="_blank">viewers vote to choose a presidential candidate. How can anyone think this is a good idea? I am convinced that a chimp could do a better job running our country than Bush, Arnold, or someone chosen by that demographic that watches the Fox network.

I take a break from my work to post, how lucky thou art.

Charlie (linked above as Llamas Galore), posts about blocking out all unwanted emails, but if I incorporated his spam block program into my mail programs I would miss out on all sorts of great offers. The most recent of which is some sort of drug which promises, among other things, to reverse aging.

Now perhaps they meant that the drug would reduce wrinkles and other effects of aging, but their wording leads me to believe that they are touting a product that actually makes people younger. How would such a product work? Would my mind retain all the things I've learned over the past 22 years and 7 months while my body shrinks down to that of a 10-year-old? Or would the converse take place, keeping my chiseled physique intact while my brain unlearned or forgot important things like how to drive a car or how to program in C#?

One recent memory I'd like to forget is the lyrics to the newest song by Avril Lavigne, which is unfortunately titled "Sk8r Boi" (yes, the title has the number 8 in it). Avril, who is doing her damnedest to appeal to the pop-punk crowd, tells the oft-told tale of a hip punk boy who asks out the prissy popular girl. She, of course, turns him down because her friends don't like his "baggy clothes" and he goes on to rock stardom on MTV. It's a story we can all relate to, at least the part about becoming a rock star.

Story songs usually don't work (see Pearl Jam's cover of "Last Kiss", especially with Eddie Vedder's voice), but what makes this one especially bad are what have been described by David as "the worst lyrics ever". Right from the get-go, you know they will be bad: "He was a boy, and she was a girl, could I make it any more obvious? He was a punk, and she did ballet, what more can I say?" This, in a nutshell, is why story songs don't work. You have to set up the characters a little, just like in a real story, and character development does not lend well to music.

The other major problem (besides the chorus of "he was a skater boy, she said 'see you later boy'" and the unfortunate rhyme of "TV" with "MTV") is that rather than think of clever words to fit the meter, Avril just extends the trite ones she has in unnatural ways. Because of this, the word "Slammin'" becomes "Sa-lammin'" and the word "Down" somehow becomes "Dayyyyyyyaaaaaaaeeeeoooowwwwwn".

And she wears a damn tie.

My rebuttal analysis of my NFL picks this week:

1) Lucas is tall.
2) Lucas is a lucky bastard who copied all but one of my picks.
3) Lucas' Packers almost lost to the lowly Lions.
4) Lucas is tall.

There was a recent discussion on -273 and Ouranophobe about literature, and I was planning on putting in my two cents but never got around to it. I remember hating most every "serious literature" book I read in high school. A Tale of Two Cities was overlong and had boring characters, Wuthering Heights was so confusing as far as names and flashbacks and such that the teacher had to use Cliff Notes to straighten it out, all of those "female growing up" books like I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings had ok stories but I couldn't relate to them at all, Dante's Inferno was probably biting and funny about 800 years ago but we don't really get the jokes today, and A Room With a View was possibly the worst book I have ever read.

The one notable exception was A Prayer for Owen Meany, a book about friendship and destiny that I read as a senior. The difference between this and all the others was that Irving used a great story to get across his themes rather than disguising a weak plot with "descriptive language" and a cavalcade of symbols that may or may not have meant anything. If the story is strong, it will tell itself. There's no need to spend a whole chapter describing the smallest details about landscape (ahem, All the Pretty Horses, I'm looking in your direction), when all it does is serve to slow down the pace to a crawl. In Owen Meany, the book was long but the story was happening the whole time. And if the story is progressing, then the reader is interested, which in the end is the best way to get people actively reading and thinking.

And what the hell was so special about Catcher in the Rye?

Right now the score stands with Lucas in the lead at 23-9 and me bringing up the rear and barely pushing .500 at 17-15. Let's see if I can pick up some ground this week:

CLE at TEN: TEN. Tim Couch is back for the Browns, but he's been suffering from a "dead arm" for the past month or so. Rumor had it that by the end of preseason he couldn't even throw the ball 10 yards down the field. *I* can throw a football 10 yards. I think I missed my window of opportunity to be an NFL quarterback. They get all the chicks.

NYJ at MIA: MIA. The Jets have won 8 in a row against Miami, but did you see them play last week? It was embarassing. Their leading rusher was their punter for goodness sake.

CAR at MIN: MIN. Rodney Peete has earned the starting job for the Panthers. He'll rack up big yardage again this week against a Minnesota defense with holes the size of swiss cheese, but I can't in good conscience pick Carolina to go 3-0.

KC at NE: NE. The Super Bowl Champs face a team that gave up 39 points to the Browns and lost to the Jaguars. That means it's prime time for a letup game, but I think the Pats could give up 6 turnovers and still win.

NO at CHI: NO. Lucky lucky lucky. The Bears have managed to sleepwalk through their first two games, but the luck runs out here. It's still too early in the season for Deuce McAllister to start tiring, but check back in a month or so. He'll be this year's LaDanian Tomlinson, you heard it here first.

DAL at PHI: PHI. Last week's victory was a mirage, the Cowboys still suck. And props to the Eagles for collectively shutting up the entire media about Steve Spurrier's fun 'n gun offense.

IND at HOU: IND. Oh it will be a long day for the Houston defense, although their offense might go nuts. Rookie QB or not, this one might be a shootout.

SD at AZ: SD. The Chargers are not as good as their 2-0 record indicates, but then again neither are the Cardinals as good as their 1-1. From now on the opponents of the Seahawks get picked automatically every week.

BUF at DEN: DEN. Drew Bledsoe can't win in Denver, he never could. Denver is playing way above their ability level, but should have a field day picking off Mr. Bledsoe.

GB at DET: GB. Detroit has lost their games by a combined score of 80-28, or something absurd like that. They can't lose them all, and Brett Favre has problems on turf, but the Lions haven't been good since the days of Wayne Fontes, Scott Mitchell, and Herman Moore. Terry Glenn games in a row without injury: 2. Glenn's impact on said games: 0.

WAS at SF: SF. In the preseason, Spurrier ran up the score on the Niners' third-string defense. Now they have to play their first-stringers, and there's a good chance we'll see Danny Wuerffel in this game. If we do, just chalk up the big "L".

SEA at NYG: NYG. The aforementioned Seahawks rule is in place, the Giants could run the ball backwards and still gain 150 yards on the ground.

CIN at ATL: ATL. Ah, the comical Bengals. Gus Frerotte must've thought he was Boomer Esiason when he threw that left handed pass last Sunday. The Bengals seemingly haven't had a winning record since Boomer was calling plays, and they won't get on the board this game even against the lowly Falcons.

STL at TB: TB. The Rams have shown me nothing except half-assed effort and a complete lack of execution. They traditionally have problems with Tampa, problems on grass, and problems on Monday night, and when you add all of these up, it probably means they will get their first win this week. But I'm not picking them anyway. Mike Martz is arrogant.

So I went to a Chinese restaurant for dinne tonight, and besides watching them take a live fish out of a tank to cook for dinner it was the average Chinese restaurant meal capped-off with a fortune cookie at the end. My fortune was: "Look to the coming month for a solution to your problem". This is fantastic, but which problem? There's the 24/40 I got on my first CS441 homework, the one on which our professor said "I'm worried about anyone who got below 25". There's the struggles I'm having at work trying to create a new Java opcode. There's the ongoing Vanessa Fiasco, which isn't really ongoing in real life as much as it remains marching on in my head. And of course, there's the fact that I haven't seen Swimfan yet, and despite its Oscar-caliber filmwork I fear it may be out of theaters before October arrives. Ah, sweet October. The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

This man is our nation's president (turn up your sound). God save us all...

Today is the 20th birthday of the smiley face emoticon :-). For 20 years Smiley has given me the purposeful ambiguity I've needed for meaningful online conversations:

Me: Want to go out with me? :-)
[insert name of girl here]: No way! I can't believe you asked me out!
Me: Oh, I was just kidding, didn't you see the smiley face?
[insert name of girl here]: Oh, I thought you were serious for a second there. lol.

So Happy Birthday :-), hopefully I won't need you around for 20 more.

I had intended on going to the Unwritten Law/The Juliana Theory show at the Pageant tonight, but alas I have no one to attend it with. All of my friends that like good music have either graduated and left or are otherwise occupied this evening, and I don't feel like wandering Delmar by myself late at night. Tickets are only $15, so if you like good music then drop me a line by about 6 this evening if you want to go. Single girls are preferred.

For the past two weeks, my life has been consumed by CS441, the new bane of my existence. On the advice of my advisor, I signed up for this class with the intention of actually learning how to do proofs rather than blindly writing code and insisting that it works. The class, however, is an exercise in futility for me. You see, I have no actual ability to prove anything. If someone gives me a problem and says "is this true", I look at it for a minute and think "yes" or "no" and more often times than not I'm correct. However, if that same someone says "why?", I can go on and on about "well it just makes sense", and in my head it makes perfect sense, but when it comes time to mathematicize what's in my head and turn it into Sigmas and Lambdas and other mathematical symbols, I become like a 3 year old trying explain why E=MC squared. Dr. Sally Goldman is a remarkable professor, and everything she does in class makes perfect sense, but when the training wheels come off the bike and I have to go off on my own, I fall down repeatedly. I don't think my brain is hard-wired to work this way, it's set up to write code and play the guitar and overanalyze football games and figure out how to frustrate everyone while winning at the card game Spit. It is not meant to write proofs.

Some people, like most webloggers, have way too much time on their hands to do nerdy internet-related things. This guy is in a class all by himself. Make sure you click on the link that says "PumpUp" at the top and read his "movie scripts" (but only if you're over 18, sorry kiddos). The sad thing is that if you compare these to some recent releases, like Swimfan or xXx, they don't sound all that farfetched...

I believe that Mother Nature has a vendetta against me. It hasn't rained here in at least a month, but today it is raining. This is notable because today I was planning to walking to the Loop on my lunch break to return a DVD to Blockbuster and purchase the new Mustard Plug album. Over the summer, every single day that I walked to the loop to visit the library, drink a smoothie, or purchase a CD it would rain. Because I have a policy of always forgetting my umbrella, the rain soaked me every time. But this time I win, Mother Nature. Now that I have a car, I can just wait until I go home and then drive to the Loop to run my errands. I spit in the face of cruel fate!

This week I was an unfortunate 8-8 in my weekly NFL picks, bringing my total to 17-15. Not good. Lucas, conversely, was 12-4 this week and is 23-9 overall. As long as he continues to pick his beloved Packers to win, however, I should have enough time to make up the deficit...

Despite round-the-clock coverage on the Festival, Lance Bass couldn't raise enough money to pay for his trip to space and has officially been replaced on the Soyuz mission with, I kid you not, a cargo container with the same weight as the pop singer.

There are doin's afoot between Erv and the proprietors of -273. It seems that James has been running his mouth on other sites about how he deserves to get linked by -273, so the community overlords have offered him a chance to put his keyboard where his mouth is and earn the spot. I've applied to be a judge in the event the challenge goes through, ensuring impartiality as well as amusement. Stay tuned, as this little tiff looks to be replacing the now-infamous Ouranophobe/Lightistoobright catfight. And always remember, in a fight resulting in more posting, everyone's a winner.

Lately I've been getting a lot of spam advertising porn sites featuring "brutal rape videos". Not only is this highly disturbing in itself, but here is the text of the latest ad I got: "This is real occaions and crimesreal violence the plot of this site are lots of real occasions and crimes commited amid our friends and members. many of tham got from prisons right by our agents" Then at the bottom of the email (which also contains disturbingly graphic pictures), it says "P.S. This is a fantasy site. We do not condone nonconsensual sex." What the hell has happened to our society?

A quick news tidbit before the real topic of today's post: It seems that a schizophrenic who "thinks she's in her 40's" and a 58 year-old alcoholic have been living in a treehouse for a dozen years ever since "another hermit offered them the home he had begun to craft with discarded lumber and corrugated plastic amid the roots and branches of the 300-year-old oak." Read about their wacky adventures and their pending eviction from the tree here.

The other day I was watching the Harry Potter movie again. In case you haven't seen it or read the books (there must be one of you out there), the plot centers around an artifact called the "philosopher's stone" which can turn metals into gold and create an eternal life elixir. For some reason, when the novels were Americanized, they changed the name to "sorcerer's stone", despite the fact that the stone itself is not a work of fiction. Well, not that there really is a stone that can make you live forever, but back in the 13th century an alchemist named Nicholas Flamel claimed to have a book which described how to use the stone to live forever. Rumor has it that Mr. Flamel is still alive today thanks to the elixir, but others say he "only" lived to be 116.

Alchemists were pretty wacky people, who often made wild claims about turning lead into gold and creating tiny people in airtight jars. Called "homunculi", these tiny people were supposedly fed human blood until they matured to the size of a human child. For some reason, having a tiny human-sized person who ate blood was a great goal of alchemists, and in fact many of them claimed to have successfully done it. The problem, though, was that no one else ever managed to actually see it, and in fact most of the claims were probably triggered by one alchemist claiming to have discovered how to create life and the others just trying to "keep up with the Joneses", where the Joneses in this case were eccentric jobless obsessive medieval "researchers".

According to one website (disclaimer: most people on the internet are kooks or frauds trying to spread their own agendas. Except me of course.), there are modern-day alchemists who use health food and alternative medicine to hide their "real research" and go on important crusades like trying to prevent the government from putting flouride in water (purportedly because it's being used for mind control) and curing heart disease using elixirs of gold and fire.

In fact, there are still real people (according once again to this kooky website) who are trying to forge the philosopher's stone. In quote: "Do you understand? No, I didn't think so. The process is not just an chemical process, it is also a spiritual process inside the mage. And it is also a spiritual evolution of the world. When we finally have achieved the creation of the Red Stone, It will transform the whole world. That is why we are tirelessly working in our laboratories, to bring about the great day". There are even instructions on this page for how to become an alchemist yourself ("years of hard apprenticeship during which you are treated like a janitor"), how to make a love potion, and reanimating dead things (although, "Some alchemists experiment with turning people to dust, and trying to raise them again. If anyone have succeeded, they have not told anybody." Sign me up).

In conclusion, there is a whole world of wackiness out there on the internet: alchemists, people with scientific proofs of God (who, amusingly enough, now has his site blocked by his ISP), and webloggers, all trying to convince everyone else that their crazy ideas are right. Oh what an age we live in.

Here are this week's NFL picks. Right now Lucas is ahead 11-5 to 9-7.

CHI at ATL: CHI. Michael Vick is fun to watch, but it'll be more fun to watch Marty Booker torch Atlanta's complete lack of secondary. He had 198 yards receiving last week and could easily have had more; this week he may top 250.

CIN at CLE: CLE. Dwayne Rudd's inanity aside, the Browns played a pretty good game offensively last week. Their defense, however, was suspect at best. In this game they won't even need to show up.

TEN at DAL: TEN. I knew I should have picked the Cowboys to lose last week, even against an expansion team. The pundits on ESPN have already gone from picking Dallas as a "sleeper" to wondering if they'll win any games this year with Quincy Carter at quarterback. Not this week.

MIA at IND: MIA. The Dolphins scored 49 points last week! They must be the best team in the league! Not quite, but it's too early in the season for them to start tanking, and Indy's defense is probably just as bad as Detroit's.

JAX at KC: JAX. What is it about this week? It's pretty much feast or famine with most of the games, either we get to see the class of the NFL play or we get matchups like this one. Fred Taylor consecutive games streak: 1.

GB at NO: GB. Terry Glenn isn't injured yet! Not that he did anything worthwhile in the last game, but he didn't get injured and that is half the battle for him. The Pack had trouble with Michael Vick, but shouldn't have as many problems with his cousin.

NE at NYJ: NE. I can't in good conscience pick against a team that has won 10 in a row, but there are plenty of reasons to be afraid: road game, old archnemesis, Curtis Martin averages 104 yards per game against them, Laveranues Coles is much taller than Ty Law. This one will be a dogfight.

DET at CAR: DET. This is what I mean by terrible matchups. Rodney Peete vs. Mike McMahon. LaShaun Foster/Lamar Smith vs. James Stewart. There are no good players on either of these teams, but Detroit scored 21 against Miami last week, and Carolina ain't Miami.

TB at BAL: TB. Oh how the mighty and arrogant have fallen. From Super Bowl champs two years ago to losing their season opener 10-7 to the worst team in the NFL, things don't get much better for the Ravens at this point.

AZ at SEA: SEA. David Boston is a monster, but Trent Dilfer is back in for the 'Hawks and he hasn't lost a start in like 3 years.

NYG at STL: STL. Sure the Rams are reeling, sure Michael Strahan could eat John St. Clair for lunch, sure the Giants have had success playing physically against St. Louis in the past, but did you see them play against the Niners last week? Pathetic and punchless are words that come immediately to mind.

BUF at MIN: MIN. I'm still not picking Bledsoe to win. I am, however, wondering how long it takes before the aforementioned ESPN folks stop seeing "Bledose almost won the game!" and start seeing "Bledsoe threw 2 picks and got sacked 4 times, but the running game bailed him out".

HOU at SD: SD. They didn't look good, but Houston is 1-0. The Chargers are highly overrated, but they should have no problem with the Steer Skulls and their questionable offense.

DEN at SF: SF. The Broncos may have beaten the Rams last week, but they looked confused on offense most of the game. Terrell Owens should have a huge day to make up for last week's disaster, since it's hard to talk trash averaging 3 catches a game.

OAK at PIT: PIT. The Steelers were rattled and humbled by the Patriots last week, but now they're at home against a team that relies heavily on the run. It's time for old man Gannon to start losing, he's starting to scare me.

PHI at WAS: PHI. Ever notice how no one can write anything about the Redskins without mentioning Steve Spurrier? In case you haven't noticed, Steve had 0 passing yards, 0 rushing yards, and 0 tackles last week against the Cardinals. Expect the same stats out of him this week.

I've changed things around a bit, so if anyone is linking to this page as http://chill.negative273.com/index.html (the index.html is the important part here), please change your links to just http://chill.negative273.com. This probably won't affect any of you, but just to be sure. Also notice that the top bar has been updated to reflect our new friends.

I have a question, one which may seem obvious to everyone but to me seems rather perplexing: Why did various television stations and websites remove their advertising or other revenue-gainers on September 11 as a "tribute to the spirit of America"? Doesn't it seem contradictory that, as an act of solidarity against a common enemy who is opposed to our capitalistic society, we would choose to go the anti-capitalist route for a day?

Of the more absurd "tributes", the site with which my fantasy football team is registered decided not to charge people to access the site between the hours of 9:30AM-1:30PM and 5:30PM-9:30PM, a ludicrous practice that is in effect every other day. I appreciate having 24 hour access to the site, but I would hardly call that act "patriotic".

CNN.com, often a source of funny news stories that I link to here, showed their American spirit by replacing all of their banner ads with a candle image linking to a charity site. This gesture made me realize one important fact: CNN has a hell of a lot of ads. In their normal state I don't really notice them anymore, but when they are all replaced by a black background and a candle it's quite easy to see the sheer amount of space on their website that is normally taken up by "hit the monkey and win!" ads.

For some reason, I received 86 hits yesterday. While there are a few unnamed folks who have linked to various posts of mine, I can only attribute this massive random upsurge in hits to mass group hysteria in the same vein as India's UFO mania, India's Monkey Man mania (read all related articles), the late 90's stock market surge based on companies with no revenue or business plan, and my personal favorite, Holland's 16th century Tulipomania. Expect hits to the Festival to be highly overvalued during the next few weeks, and keep a lookout for crazed individuals throwing themselves out of windows if they cannot log on.

Somehow I was only 9-7 this week in NFL picks action. Lucas, on the other hand is 11-5 thus far. I'll make my picks for this week on Friday most likely, lest Lucas pull a Mike Martz and get arrogant over his slight lead.

The more I think about the community idea, the more I'm torn about whether or not it would be a good thing. On the positive side is all the increased exposure that everyone would get and the increased sense of community, but on the other hand there are some things that people might not want to be revealed outside of their circle of friends. If I'm thinking about posting about a girl in my calculus class who noisily eats rice cakes during class (actual event: Spring of 1999), I might have second thoughts if there is a chance the she reads my site. People shouldn't have to censor posts about boring lectures or crappy homework assignments because they're afraid their professor might be reading. So it's a toss up right now.

In other news, earlier this summer I was present when this picture was being taken, and now it's up on the Bearings website. Our chancellor is an interesting guy and all, but he should stick to eating with students in Mallinckrodt and thinking of new and unique excuses for raising tuition every year rather than posing with eyesores.

There has been a bit of discussion at Apartment 12 this evening about the Negative273 community, specifically our role in the schoolwide blogscene at WashU. Judging from our stats reports, we seem to get the vast majority of our hits (at least the people that come back, not the people looking for erotic Hispanic middle-schoolers) from others in the community and folks in the CS department in general. Most of the other weblogs in the community, and even ones not hosted by -273, were in some way inspired by -273 itself or one of its "children". However, Amy's site has its own community of WashU folks who have no real connection to this one, and there must be others like it.

As such, I'd like to compile a sort of directory of WashU weblogs if for no other reason then to give us more reading material when people take long vacations from posting. Think of it as WUSphere without the spam. If you know of any weblog written by a WashU student or recent alum, email me with the person's name and the URL of the page. Keep in mind that for the page to qualify as a "weblog" it must feature at least semi-frequent updating and not be just a CEC homepage that says "Hi I'm Dave and I'm a student in CS101". If you're reluctant about revealing yourself to a quasilarge audience of your peers, keep in mind that you're on the internet already which leaves you open to discovery by all sorts of wackos. Hopefully this will help centralize the community and be beneficial to everyone involved. If you have any other suggestions about this sort of topic, shoot me a message at the address linked above and we'll see what we can do.

Lest aimage of the nutritional content of the chicken tenders I used to eat at Bear's Den. If the tenders are a popular meal option for you, I suggest not reading any further. Somehow, 5 pieces of fried chicken contain over 1200 calories, 74 grams of fat (114% of our recommended daily amount) and 255 milligrams of cholesterol (85%). So in essence if you eat a full order of chicken tenders you shouldn't eat anything else for the rest of the day.

Dining services has a website where you can go to read up on the nutritional content of your favorite late-night WashU snack foods. Like the Mozzarella Sticks? 5 sticks give you half of your daily saturated fat, which is surprisingly low considering that they are deep fried cheese. Even things that sound healthy are not good for you. A small chicken caesar salad, consisting of chicken, lettuce, parmesan cheese, and bread, has 15 grams of fat. 15. In a salad. And being a vegetarian doesn't help you out either. Vegetarian Linguini at Small Group Housing will give you 1/4 of your daily fat, all of your daily cholesterol, and 746 calories. Oddly enough, the french fries contain no fat, which means next time you slip on your tight black pants, grab your bottled water, and reach for your salad or pasta at BD, maybe you should be ordering up a full order of greasy fries.

The one thing I've gathered from all of this is that our school food, which may be ranked #1 in the country, is not the least bit nutritious despite their constant attempts to put up wellness posters to promote healthy eating habits. It's bad enough that most students don't realize that the salad may be healthy but the mayonaise in the dressing is not, or that the fruit smoothies contain 600 calories, but when the school does absolutely nothing to inform everyone except publish the information on a badly-designed website then there is definitely something wrong. But never fear, the news is not all bad. The upside to all these high-fat options is that wacky Atkins Dieters have plenty of choices for dinner. Chicken philly anyone?

In honor of the recently-aborted cat fight about religion going on around these parts, I figured I'd jump on the bandwagon and sound off myself.

Yesterday in the mail, our apartment received a package in the mail addressed to "current resident" which consisted of propaganda trying to convert us to some form of Christianity by becoming "born again". Along with some booklets, there is a letter explaining why we should take the time to read over this, and it contains the following statement:

In our society today, the popular trend is for everyone to believe what they want to, and each of us is expected to tolerate each other. That sounds wonderful and freeing. However, it is a deception that will end in tragedy.

Wow. So religions like Judaism, Buddhism, and others that have been around for thousands of years are just "trends", and we should be intolerant and scornful of anyone who does not believe what it says in a pamphlet that was addressed to "current resident" and sent bulk rate mail?

Having no choice, since the letter told me so, I opened up the next item in the package which was a booklet about how to become born again. All of the chapters tell you what to do (including the openly-pretentious "What Should You Believe?" section), but by far the most amusing is the one about "speaking in tongues". Here is an exerpt:

You probably noticed that other people began to speak in "tongues" or "other tongues" as they were baptized in the Holy Spirit. ... To speak in tongues, open your mouth and as the Spirit gives you utterance, speak forth what you hear coming up out of your inner man. This will not come out of your head. Remember, your mind does not understand this. ... You will hear or sense syllables, phrases, groanings, or utterances that are unusual or foreign sounding to you. ... Do not speak in tongues around people who do not understand.

Apparently, it is not enough to be a good person to be a Christian, you also must be intolerant of others and walk around mumbling incoherently. And, of course, you must spread the word to others, because what good is religion if you can't bully everyone else into believing the same thing you do? I wouldn't go as far as to say that "all organized religion is absurd", since a lot of the common tenets of major religion like the Golden Rule of treating your neighbors as you would like to be treated are things that I believe are important to society, but my major beef with most of them is their insistence that everyone must believe the exact same thing and if they don't they are going to hell or being reincarnated as a dead opossum or something.

Any religion that "advertises" (through those annoying billboards on the way to the airport, expensive mass mailings, WWJD bracelets, fish magnets on cars, "Do You Agree with Ramon?" campaigns, and worst of all "Christian Rock" music) must have a massive inferiority complex. Isn't it funny how there are no "Jewish Rock" radio stations, no Hindu services broadcast on Channel 11, and no billboards on the side of the road telling me to pray towards Mecca? Believe what you want to believe, but try not to be so pretentious that you think that only you know the ultimate truth of the universe, especially when up until very recently you "knew" that the Earth is flat.

Jurassic 5 and Black Eyed Peas are making a return trip to Washington University, much to the chagrin of everyone not a member of Team31, the inane student group that misappropriates our funds every year. They have been my arch nemesis since the very first WILD I attended, which was headlined by the backup band of noname act King Floyd. Their budget has ballooned since then, this year it's rumored to be $187,000 or so, yet they still book the same cheap, crappy hip hop acts. It is too late for me to make a difference and stop this travesty from occurring semester after semester, but not for you. I know there are quite a few undergrads who read this page, so if you fall into this category and like good music, then go this page and apply to be a member of Team31. Each Festival reader who joins Team31 will receive their very own cache of -273 stickers, free of charge!

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I "celebrated" Relationship Week here on the Festival. The week has long since expired, but I'm still dealing with fallout from the relationship, and it came to my attention that someone emailed me a response to the "why do girls go after bad boys?" question. The email came to be before I left for Flore-da, so I didn't see it for 3 weeks and then lost track of it in the process of school starting. Here, finally, is the insight from yet another faithful reader:


remember in kindergarten when the teacher said, "good morning kids, we are now going to effect a snowman out of these mint leaves, trident wrappers, and pieces of construction paper."

The point being that girls love a project. We find much of our worth in being able to repair and improve, especially in regards to people and their problems. If we can take a bad boy and turn him into Mr. Sensitive, then we have achieved a success greater than any corporate promotion. There is something enchanting about the thought of having a relationship with "the perfect man" who is really a product of our creative instinct. I think it would also be worthy to note that dating a man in need of improvement helps to decrease our feelings of vulnerability and inadequacy. Until he is "fixed" (no pun intended), he is not worthy of us. Thus if something in the relationship goes awry and it ends prematurely, we suffer no permanent emotional damage. to be real honest with you it's all about control. in that we like lots of it.

So there you have it, girls are control freaks trying to mold guys into their own image like some sort of Frankenstein's monster. In honor of this revisiting of Relationship Week, there's a great article on ESPN.com about why guys communicate by quoting lines from movies written from the point of view of a very confused female who has regrettably never seen Office Space.

And finally, in a scene reminscent of Free Willy (if it were rated R), a fisherman was killed when a whale jumped onto his boat, splintering it in pieces. Apparently the whale jump-a-thon was not fatal for everyone, but "the survivors were not able to identify the type of whale, which they described as "very large."" Well that narrows it down.

Football season is about to start, and I have joined a fantasy football league along with a lot of my friends and one fellow blogger. Our draft was the other night, and although we had it set up to do a live draft the computer decided to do our draft for us. As a result, my team consists of Marshall Faulk and a bunch of guys who aren't worth a damn. I have already waived 3 of my 4 wide receivers, 2 of my running backs, and 1 of my quarterbacks because they are either injured for the year, backups who won't see any playing time, or not currently on any team's roster.

In honor of football season, I will be doing weekly NFL picks here at the Festival. Two years ago when I worked for Student Life, the official student newspaper of WashU, I was the champion of the weekly picks. I'm offering up a challenge to any other bloggers out there in our little community to take up my challenge and join me. If anyone would like to set some stakes, feel free to contact me with a preliminary offer.

So without further ado, here are my picks for this week:

SF at NYG: SF. The Giants will be improved this year, but Shockey's already hurt and the Niners have the much better offense. And Kerry Collins is still a head case.

NYJ at BUF: NYJ. This was a tough one, as the statuesque Drew Bledsoe is usually a fast starter, but he can't beat the Jets to save his life and he'll be in the pocket behind a very weak offensive line. Let the sack attack begin.

MIN at CHI: MIN. This isn't really a home game for the Bears since they're playing at Champaign this season, and their offense is highly overrated. Regardless this game comes down to whether or not Randy Moss shows up or not. It's still early, so I think he will.

SD at CIN: CIN. Yuck. 1st-time-starting QB versus the worst franchise of the last decade. As much as I hate to admit it, the Bengals will be slightly improved this year and I don't think San Diego has much going for them besides their running game.

KC at CLE: KC. Another battle of the bad, as Cryin' Dick Vermeil's Chiefs have no receivers and an all-pro tight end who hasn't practiced all offseason and the Browns have no impact players at all. Edge to Priest Holmes and the Chiefs, but just slightly until Marvin "Snoop" Minnis brings his great name back on the field.

ATL at GB: GB. After playing Lucas in Madden 2003 the other day, I have established that Michael Vick will average about 200 yards rushing per game but fumble once every five plays or so. He'll tear it up on the turf, but in the thawed-out tundra against Brett Favre he doesn't stand a chance. Terry Glenn-o-meter: 0 injuries so far.

PHI at TEN: PHI. This one will be close, but Philadelphia is deep at running back (including "He Hate Me" Rod Smart) and has a solid receiving corps for Donovan McNabb to throw at. I just have no faith in the Titans, who seem so close to greatness every year only to have something go wrong.

DET at MIA: MIA. Jay Fiedler is going to be mediocre as usual, and Ricky Williams hasn't shown be anything in preseason, but Miami always starts off well before their yearly choke.

AZ at WAS: WAS. Steve Spurrier gets a welcoming present by getting to play one of the crappiest teams in the league. This won't be much of a test, but later in the year we'll see if his offense is really the fun-n-gun or the old chuck-n-duck of the early 90's Atlanta Falcons.

BAL at CAR: BAL. Rodney Peete is starting for Carolina. That's all I have to say.

IND at JAX: IND. They still have no defense, but then again neither does Jacksonville. The team with the most possessions might win this one.

NO at TB: TB. The Deuce is loose, but Aaron brooks is so highly overhyped that he can't help but disappoint.

SEA at OAK: OAK. The Raiders have to get their fans hopeful before their yearly collapse, so they have to win easy ones like this. Teleport this game to, say, the month of December and it would be a totally different story.

STL at DEN: STL. The Rams will be challenged this year in the NFC, but not by this shell of the former Broncos.

DAL at HOU: DAL. I wanted to pick the Texans, I really did. Dallas, despite being a trendy playoff pick, has Quincy Carter at quarterback and an aging and injury-riddled Emmitt Smith rushing the ball. However, expansion teams don't win their first games, it's a rule.

PIT at NE: NE. Hooray for the Super Bowl Champion Pats! No one else gives them any respect, but I do. Look for Kordell to be confused as usual against Belichick's defensive schemes and Bettis to once again be gang-tackled. And keep an eye on John Madden in this game. Now that he's not saddled with the skeleton formerly known as Pat Summerall and gets to call meaningful games, MNF should be fun again.