I only vaguely follow political news, especially with the Daily Show and Colbert Report on hiatus during the WGA strike, but from what I can tell Hillary Clinton has already been declared the winner. Having just moved to Ohio, I'm not sure whether we have a primary or a caucus or a whatnot, but I don't see much point in voting in it since after Iowa and New Hampshire (or as I like to call them "the only two important states in the country 1 out of every 4 years") the winner will already be decided and the rest of the states will just be voting out the string.

I find Hillary slightly unsettling, kind of like the "uncanny valley" effect you get when you see realistic computer generated humans in a CGI movie. She seems decent enough and was a fine First Lady, but when I see her on television I get the vague sense that she is a killer robot from the future sent to destroy us all, a la Terminator 2, despite her pointless crusade against violent video games.

After all the testosterone-laden alpha-male posturing of our current president, I would certainly welcome a female president. She is certainly well educated and has the domestic experience, if not any military commander-in-chief experience. But there's just something off about her that I just can't shake, even if I'd vote for her over a corpse or zombie.

HOU at TEN: The media has finally found a new superhero MVP in the NFL to replace the immortal 2006 Bob Sanders: 2007 Albert Haynesworth. His Madden '09 rating for "Awesomeness" will be a perfect 100. TEN

JAX at IND: The Jags already lost this game at home, why would the outcome be any different on the road? IND

SD at KC: The Chargers have the same road record as the Falcons, yet they're currently leading their division? Upset Special. KC

ATL at STL: One of the few truly bad games this weekend, as almost all games are between evenly-matched teams. Unfortunately 3-8 and 2-9 are the bad kind of "evenly-matched". STL

NYJ at MIA: Everyone is picking the Dolphins to pull off their first win, and normally I'd always go against the crowd, but in doing so I would be pretty much picking them to go 0-16 and I just can't see that happening. MIA

DET at MIN: In this one, though, I will go against the crowd. DET

SEA at PHI: The Seahawks are like the mini-Patriots: a one dimensional passing team but without any of the weapons or coaching. The Eagles are getting a little too much love for a 5-6 team, though. SEA

BUF at WAS: Hmm, picking middling AFC teams over middling NFC teams has been a sound strategy so far, think I'll stick with it. BUF

SF at CAR: The 49ers "win" last week was an abomination and took the Patriots out of the running for the #1 pick in the draft next year. The good news for the Panthers is that David Carr won't be starting this one. The Saints have the worst pass defense I've ever seen, and the Panthers couldn't even score a touchdown agains them last week in a truly putrid performance. CAR

DEN at OAK: The Broncos are 5-6 despite the softest schedule ever. Please don't let them make the playoffs... DEN

CLE at AZ: Just to play with everybody, this will end up being one of those 13-10 games. CLE

NYG at CHI: No amount of negative press is enough where Whinin' Eli is concerned. Still, Rex Grossman is what Eli would be if he were the Bears' QB. NYG

TB at NO: I refuse to accept that the Buccaneers are a good team, no way. NO

CIN at PIT: Last week was the Bengals random no-explanation win of the year. We now return you to our regularly scheduled program. PIT

NE at BAL: The Pats game last week was frightening. Luckily the Ravens don't have the offense to take advantage of the "blueprint". NE