5:29 PM: And less than 30 seconds into the game, Lucas and I are already proven wrong as Devin Hester returns the kick for a TD against what has to be the worst kick coverage team I've ever seen. They made Ellis Hobbs look like Desmond Howard 2 weeks ago, and they're already looking shaky tonight.

5:35 PM: Peyton Manning has thrown 3 passes, with 2 almost intercepted followed by 1 that was easily intercepted. This looks like the Peyton that has shown up all playoffs, the one that throws wobbly duck passes and makes bad decisions. Soon he'll be the one that rips off his chinstrap and yells at his teammates.

5:40 PM: Are you kidding me? Blockbuster brought back their nonsensical, poorly-animated rabbit and hamster combination? They never made sense before, and they make even less sense now since Blockbuster Video is not ever located in a mall.

5:45 PM: What the hell? SalesGenie.com? It appears to be a pyramid scheme, how did they land a spot during the 2nd commercial break? More importantly, why do you pay that much for an ad spot and then run such a low-budget, strange ad?

5:50 PM: So Peyton throws a pass while a guy is grabbing is arm, the pass wobbles through the air toward what seems like a certain interception, but nobody is within 20 yards of Reggie Wayne. Fortunately, the easy score is followed by a botched extra point, proving once again that the Colts have the worst special teams in the league...until the Colts force a fumble on the kick return. What a wacky game.

5:52 PM: And the Colts promptly lose a fumble. Think the wet weather isn't having an impact? The fumble is followed by the pathetic Colts run defense allowing cement-shoed Thomas Jones to run for 55 yards.

5:56 PM: After the Bears score, we're treated to an ad for Survivor 21 or whatever they're on featuring Rob and Amber. The most shocking thing about them isn't that they're still together, but that they star in their own reality show on the Reality Network. Is it really 15 minutes of fame if you're on the Reality Network?

6:02 PM: After the dropped pass, it's hard to see how this team scores so much. Peyton's passes are so wobbly that his receivers have got to have problems catching them. And it's not just the famous thumb injury, this is what he looks like all the time.

6:08 PM: And the Colts are unable to capitalize on what seems like the 10th turnover of the quarter. People think that running teams have the advantage in rainy weather, but the ball is just as slippery for running backs as it is for wideouts.

6:15 PM: The most disturbing thing about the Rules of Engagement promos is the gyrating David Spade, who looks like the guy in the Weather.com banner ads.

6:31 PM: The Bears haven't been getting much pressure on Peyton Manning, even when they send 7 guys on a blitz. Their goal has to be to keep Peyton off balance, but so far they're not succeeding.

6:37 PM: In general, the commercials have been pretty uninspired. Most of the ads seem to be for the halftime show, in which CBS will try to convince me that Prince has any pop culture relevance whatsoever. Here are some questions for you: name Prince's latest album. Name the last Prince song you heard on the radio. That's what I thought.

6:50 PM: I know it's wet, but this looks like pee-wee football. Both because of the fumbles and because of the inability of the Bears to even pretend to move the ball on offense.

7:24 PM: Thank goodness for Tivo-like devices, which allowed me to miss all of Prince's halftime show. If the Bears want to come out on top in this game they're going to need to find a way to control the ball on offense. That means no stupid fumbles and using the threat of a run to set up play-action passes. Rex Grossman may not be a very good quarterback, but Lovie Smith needs to at least give him a chance to screw up before it's too late.

7:29 PM: Phil Simms and Jim Nantz are some of the better football announcers, and they nailed it on the head when they said that the Bears defense needs to improve their 3rd down D. It's fine to back off the corners and allow the Colts to complete slants, screens, and draw plays, but you have to be able to tackle.

7:36 PM: And there's our ceremonial first shot of Peyton Manning yelling at a teammate after he threw a pass so low that it almost bounced. Check that, Peyton is instead yelling at the officials, complaining that the Bears had 12 men on the field. Which they didn't.

7:40 PM: Now that they own Pixar, Disney needs to not make crappy computer-animated films. Meanwhile, Coke has trotted out the same ads that they normally show at movie theaters before the coming attractions.

7:48 PM: Well the NFL is getting their wish in that Peyton Manning has been on the field for about 85% of the offensive snaps. The Bears defense needs to get aggressive and try to force a turnover here, otherwise the Colts may run out the quarter.

7:50 PM: ...and instead they're unable to tackle a running back once again.

7:53 PM: Another gratuitous shot of Peyton Moaning chewing out a teammate, and once again the Colts are unable to score a TD.

8:11 PM: Once again the Bears play a soft zone on 3rd down and the Colts easily convert. The strategy has worked so far in that the Colts have had a hard time scoring touchdowns...and there it is! The evening's first strains of "this is ouuuur country" are heard.

8:15 PM: So let me get this straight, Tank Johnson had 6 guns and 500 rounds of ammunition in his house and was arrested 3 times, yet he's playing in a football game in Miami? I hope I'm treated the same way next time I get caught with multiple unlicensed weapons and enough ammo to start my own militia.

8:19 PM: It's funny that we haven't seen a single Peyton Manning commercial all game, when normally you can't go 2 minutes without seeing his grinning mug trying to sell you cell phones or satellite TVs. It's also funny that while in his famous Mastercard commercials he encourages his neighborhood retailers to "shake it off" and "rub some dirt on it", he throws up his arms in frustration whenever his own teammates don't make him look good.

8:22 PM: Note to the Bears, Rex Grossman should not be throwing the ball straight up in the air. He's done it twice in this game, and both times the defensive backs have had a better play on the ball than the receiver.

8:30 PM: What did I just say? Rex, throw the ball straight, not up.

8:39 PM: Is there a reason why they keep making Hannibal Lecter movies?

8:42 PM: Lost in the slogging morass of the second half is the fact that Peyton Manning has been reduced to Trent Dilfer, managing the game and trying not to throw interceptions. At least I can take solace in the fact that, unless Archie has the NFL paid off, there's no way that Peyton will be the MVP of this game.

8:48 PM: And that's about all she wrote. In attempting to pick this game, I lost sight of the fact that all season the AFC has dominated the NFC, and there wasn't much likelihood that this game would be any different. The commercials were as underwhelming as Rex Grossman, who truly looked like the worst QB to ever play in the Super Bowl as some had called him.

9:00 PM: "Peyton Manning, grinning like an idiot, you look sure of yourself". Dungy finally figured out the way to win: reduce Peyton's role to game manager, give the entire Patriots team the flu, and find a way to play against the worst quarterback in Super Bowl history.

9:14 PM: WHAT THE HELL? How in god's name did Peyton Manning win the MVP award? Joseph Addai had 143 total yards and 10 catches. Dominic Rhodes had 113 rushing yards and a touchdown. Manning had 247 passing yards, 2 turnovers, and seemingly didn't throw a pass in the entire 4th quarter. Most Valuable Pitch-man indeed...

Posted by: Brian Lewis at February 5, 2007 3:54 PM