Today marked another sure sign that spring is here. No, Ken Griffey Jr. hasn't hurt his hamstring yet, but we had our first tornado warning in Kansas City.

Tornadoes are my least favorite of all weather patterns. Hurricanes do more damage, but they're much more predictable. Blizzards last longer, but you get to skip work. Earthquakes are scary, but they only last a few seconds. Tornadoes are unpredictable, dangerous, and they interrupt my TV watching.

I would have thought by this time we would have been able to control the weather. We can take pictures with our cell phones and see satellite pictures of the White House, but even the richest of supervillains can't hold entire countries hostage with weather machines yet.

So until we can bend nature to suit our whims, I propose that we build tornado-proof buildings that can withstand the strongest of winds. One morning while playing basketball with the CS grad students I was running full speed down the court while looking to the side when I ran smack into Richard Souvenir, who was standing in my way to set a pick. Even with the powers of momentum behind me, I bounced right off and fell to the ground while Richard just stood and laughed. I propose that we build structures that can do the same thing: laugh derisively as the tornadoes bounce off of them.

Things to do:
-Purchase the Kelloggs company and force them to start making Strawberry-Banana Nutri-Grain bars again.
-Abolish daylight savings time
-Celebrate wedding on hovercraft with boxing chimps, midgets being shot out of cannons, and Less than Jake
-De-invent capri pants
-Control the weather

Posted by: Lucas at April 21, 2005 10:05 PM

Posted by: James at April 21, 2005 10:16 PM