Much like Bill Simmons' running blogs of NBA drafts and award shows, I'm going to do a running diary while I watch Monday's season premiere of CSI: Miami...

-And the show starts off as they usually do, with a crime occurring and "H" putting on his sunglasses and staring off into the distance. What is he looking for? A closer for the Red Sox maybe?

-The summer hype was that one of the main characters dies in this episode, and there's already been some meaningless dialogue between "Speed" and the blonde that posed in Playboy. My guess is that it's one of them, and the real question is will the ME talk to their corpse like she usually does?

-And we've had our first ridiculous computer scene involving a dynamic flyby of an overhead street map of Florida while doing a location search. Why doesn't Google have a snazzy animated interface?

-Once again, "H" is working hand in hand with his dead brother's ex-wife, who he not-so-secretly wants to hook up with. Are there any other police officers in the entire city of Miami?

-Zing! H continues to badger suspects and rip off one-liners left and right. And Speed makes a cryptic remark, meaning he will be the unlucky corpse.

-And down he goes in a sudden burst of gunfire. You'd think having one of their own killed by the suspect would require a new team of CSI's, but you'd apparently be quite wrong.

-Note to self: if I'm ever rich, don't talk to any floozies.

-Showdown in the Everglades! Sharks! Gators! Ninjas! (or at least people who do karate) It's a good thing the Miami government spent eleventy billion dollars on a gigantic Hummer for them to drive around in so they can get out there on 4-wheel drive.

-If H gets eaten by a shark, will it put on his sunglasses and stare pensively into the distance?

-And H stares off into the...wait, the episode isn't over yet! Musical montage over Speed's funeral, followed by...H staring pensively. It's the wide range of David Caruso's acting talents.