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The Dish Network Odyssey
Once upon a time (about a month ago) in a galaxy far, far away (St. Louis), our hero (me) set out to order utilities for his new apartment. "That's ridiculous," he said upon seeing that due to a virtual monopoly, the local cable company was charging $43.95 a month for cable service that didn't include local channels, "For only $34.99 a month I can get a satellite dish with local and cable channels as well as a Tivo-like device."
And so, upon arriving in Kansas City, our hero went to Radio Shack and ordered service from the Dish Network (which was probably the cheapest thing in the store) and scheduled installation for June 3rd.
Things were going smoothly until, a few days before installation, the apartment property manager (boooooo) tried to spoil the fun. "You need one million dollars of liability insurance to get a satellite dish," read the lease addendum, "and you can't drill any holes to get the cable in." Undaunted, Chris went down to the leasing office to talk some sense into the property manager. Four other people on his side of the building alone had dishes, and a million dollar policy is the kind of thing that neighborhoods and small businesses have, not individual people. Unfortunately, the property manager was always busy, and the people in the office became increasingly rude. To this day, he still doesn't have a straight answer about the insurance.
But one part of the addendum he did take seriously was the hole-drilling clause. Flat coaxial cable is available (approximate internet price: $3. approximate Radio Shack price: $10), so when he talked to the installation company the night before, he cleverly told them to bring it to save time.
June 3rd rolls around, enter the most incompetent installation person you could possibly imagine. "It says on my work order you need a flat cable," he says, "but I didn't bring one." He also goes to to claim that there is no possible way he can install a dish on the balcony railing. Upon being informed of the other dishes nearby, including one directly below him, he commences knocking on doors asking people how their dishes were installed. After standing outside and staring at the other dishes for a good hour and feverishly calling up other installers to see if they had either a) a flat cable or b) a friggin' clue on how to install a dish, he tells our frustrated hero to reschedule the installation. The next available install date turns out to be June 12th.
The days move by ever-so-quickly, as our hero begins a new job and is instantly buried under a pile of paperwork and things to remember. But his TV-watching is restricted to snowy local stations, depriving him of the delight of watching Tony and Wilbon laugh at the people who bet tons of money on the stupid horse last weekend. Finally, the morning of June 12th, he wakes up early in anticipation of waiting for attempt #2 of dish installation, scheduled for sometime between 8 AM and noon.
The hours go by and nothing happens. Noon rolls around with no satellite dish, then 3 o'clock. On the warpath, our hero fires off angry missives to the powers-that-be at Dish Network in the hopes that they'll extend some token of monetary apology. Finally, at 3:30, salvation arrives in the form of the installer. ESPN! Comedy Central! Local Channels that are visible to the naked eye! Tivo-like capabilities!
But due to ridiculous storms, the dish has now lost its signal.
Comments
'Tis a sad tale indeed. Have you considered becoming an illegal cable distribution point for your whole apartment complex? Could pay off...
Posted by: rkc at June 12, 2004 11:27 PM
I know the feeling, the apartment here did the same thing, they refused to let us put any sort of attachment on the porch and putting the dish on a tripod is pretty useless, the wind destroys the reception all the time. You end up spending more time adjusting that damn dish, rather than watching TV. I switched to cable, even if it is a monopoly. Maybe I'm going to take Ron's suggestion....
Posted by: Rohit at June 13, 2004 9:07 AM
Once the storm went away the reception came back, so I've been happy with the dish itself just not with the length of time it took to get it. It wasn't just some light rain either, there were tornadoes in the area and it was brutal out there. Hopefully it doesn't go out every time it gets cloudy.
Posted by: Chris Hill Festival at June 13, 2004 10:05 AM
Actually, you didn't miss too much Smarty Jones coverage last week, as we had 24-7 network coverage of the Reagan funerals.
And we've had almost no rain in St. Louis. Kansas City really must be on the edge of the map.
Posted by: Eileen at June 13, 2004 6:34 PM
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