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It Doesn't Care if You've Been Bad or Good
Every winter, the young and old alike are besieged by an invisible visitor. Whether sleeping or awake, he doles out painful gifts to all in order to remind them of his ubiquitous presence. If you wear stockings (or socks), he visits you even more often. He is the child of cold weather.
I am, of course, referring to my great wintertime archnemesis: Static Electricity. Whenever I open a door, drink from a water fountain or get into my car between November and March I am painfully reminded that I walked on a carpet with socks sometime in the previous few hours.
If you're a frequent visitor to this website, you know that I'm not one to sit idly by in situations like this. I therefore propose that as a service to its citizens, the city of St. Louis should coat all metal surfaces with rubber during the course of the winter. While on one of their rounds to salt the streets, they can also "rubberize the city" by coating cars, door handles, and other metallic fixtures with rubbery goodness.
It's not like they're spending their time and money filling in potholes or anything.
Comments
If you don't want to get shocked when getting out of your car, grab the frame of the car and keep holding it until after your feet have touched the ground. Much less expensive than "rubberizing"...
Posted by: Nathan at December 1, 2003 8:26 PM
I've taken to defensive thumping on any surface in winter. My car shocked me today clear through my coat though. That's a CR-V for you.
Posted by: rkc at December 1, 2003 8:58 PM
True true with the potholes comment! Pretty soon it'll be as bad as that Simpsons episode where the potholes on Main Street are huge craters.
Posted by: Amy Sia at December 1, 2003 9:22 PM
Would it really be wise to be storing charge for all those months? I mean when they take the rubber off in spring you'll get one heck of a shock....
Posted by: James at December 2, 2003 1:32 PM
I've shocked myself so badly in my apartment before that my arm went numb for several minutes - I really thought that i had caused myself serious damage (and who's to say I didn't?)
In your apartment, I recommend touching something metal with the back of your hand every few minutes or so. The back of your hand has many fewer nerve endings than the palm or fingertips, and doing this frequently (it can even become habit if there's a metal chair, say, near your couch) keeps you from becoming a walking battery.
Alternatively, you can shock kittens. That's really funny.
Posted by: Brian at December 2, 2003 4:29 PM
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