|
Vanity Must Die
There is someone tooling around campus (literally) with a license plate that says "Jedi". It's about time to end this vanity plate fixation that Missourians have, as most of them are unaware of how to pick one that doesn't make them look ridiculous. "Meowth", for example, is not a good license plate. I suggest that we start charging extra for vanity plates, perhaps a $25 flat fee plus an extra $25 if you want something nerdy on yours. That will hopefully put an end to this nonsense.
Now for week 2 of the NFL picks.
SF at STL: First Kurt was fine, then Kurt had a concussion, now Kurt says he didn't have a concussion. What's next, Brenda gives Kurt a concussion? Those crazy Rams. The Greatest Show on Turf has become Days of Our Lives. Look for the Rams to have no problem with the Niners, starting up a good old-fashioned QB controversy. STL
HOU at NO: The Texans embarassed the Dolphins last week, while the Saints got embarassed themselves by an overrated Seahawks team. The universe returns to normalcy this week. NO
MIA at NYJ: When will the Dolphins learn that they will never contend for anything as long as Jay Fiedler is their quarterback? For that matter, why are the "nickelback" and "dimeback" both defensive players while the "quarterback" is an offensive player? Old man Vinny is going to be flat on his back by the end of this one. MIA
BUF at JAX: It's too early to say whether the Bills are for real, all they did was beat a Patriots team that had no chance of winning. The Jaguars pulled a major choke job last week, though, something they look to do often this season. BUF
CLE at BAL: Both of these teams stunk up the joint last week, but only one of them is not starting a rookie QB. With that said, if Baltimore's defense rebounds, they won't have to do much on offense to win. BAL
WAS at ATL: I entertained thoughts of picking the Skins to start 2-0, but then I realized how ridiculous that would be. The Falcons may not be an All-Star team right now, but at least they have a coach who knows what he's doing. ATL
DET at GB: The Packers are certainly in trouble without any of their wideouts and that horrid defense they have. The Lions looked good last week, but any team looks good against the Cardinals. The Packers may be at home, but oh that defense... Upset Special! DET
TEN at IND: Again, I cannot pick the Titans to win. Their style of play is boring, their head coach has a mullet, their quarterback is walking around on my grandfather's legs at this point, and Eddie George needs to retire. They may win, but I hate this team. IND
PIT at KC: The Chiefs' defense isn't as good as it looked last week against a terrible Chargers team (wasn't David Boston supposed to help them?), but it's still good. And Priest Holmes is like Tecmo Bowl Bo Jackson: unstoppable. KC
CAR at TB: I almost made this my upset special, but then I saw that Lucas already did, so to spite him I picked against his favorite team as my upset special. The Panthers have problems on offense, while the Bucs have just slightly fewer problems on offense, their biggest being Warren Sapp. TB
SEA at AZ: Last year, the Seahawks made the Cardinals look good. This season, it's the other way around. Overrated they may be, but they're going up against All-Overrated-Team MVP Anquan Boldin. SEA
DEN at SD: Jake Plummer or Drew Brees? Aging Rod Smith or seemingly-aging David Boston? Portis or Ladanian? At least that last one might be a decent matchup. DEN
NE at PHI: Neither of these teams scored last week. I figured the Pats would suck after their franchise's second-dumbest move since letting Curtis Martin go, but the Eagles? Lucas forgot to actually pick a team here, but I figure he's going the same way that I am. PHI
CIN at OAK: It's a new era for the Bengals! Well, actually it's not, but at least they're sort of trying. Oakland is just collectively waiting until they die. But still, it's the Bengals... OAK
CHI at MIN: Ouch, having to sit through a whole Bears game has become a painful form of torture. They have the most boring offense in the league, completely bereft of any playmakers. You can bet ESPN will give Brian Urlacher lots of face time. MIN
DAL at NYG: Again Lucas forgot to pick a team for this game. But since the Cowboys have about as much a chance of winning as Bill Parcells does of wearing shorts that fit him, I'm guessing he also is picking the Giants. Is there any amount of money that would get Parcells on an episode of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy? Because if so I would be more than happy to pony it up. NYG
Comments
My alzheimer's must be flaring up. I fixed my picks.
Posted by: Lucas at September 13, 2003 5:07 PM
The JEDI plate is just disturbing (if not hilarious), but I've also seen Missouri cars sporting TV-GOD and J-CHRST. Illinois also has some gems, like NAZGUL and BIG DAWG (which unfortunately happens to be on the car of my mom's boss). I shudder at the thought of a LINUX license plate, which sadly I'm sure is out there.
Posted by: Eileen at September 13, 2003 11:30 PM
Um, they do charge extra for vanity plates. And it's a yearly fee too, not just one-time.
And people *still* buy them and put stupid things on them.
Posted by: light at September 14, 2003 5:13 PM
WashU profs have their fair share of vanity plates, including 10ure and mgnts. Of course those who are too cheap to pay the yearly fee or have a message that's too long often resort to bumper stickers, such as "Remember Cedric Diggory," found on a green van in the yellow spaces.
Posted by: Jim at September 14, 2003 6:28 PM
What, did you not see the "e" plate that parked in front of Simon Hall all of our Freshman year?
That's right, it read 2.71... to 5 decimal places.
And I thought "2n2is5" was a stupid plate.
Posted by: Brian at September 16, 2003 2:38 PM
|
