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 January 06, 2003 - 12:09 AM | chris
I Guess Mario Lopez and Dustin Diamond Were Unavailable

What do the following people have in common?

Stephen Baldwin
Corbin Bernsen
Michael Boatman
Kim Coles
Frederique
Kathy Griffin
Erik von Detten

The Answer: they're all "celebrity personalities" that are contestants on the new overhyped show Celebrity Mole: Hawaii. That's all well and good except for one little complaint: none of these people are celebrities. "Celebrity" implies that they are well known by a lot of people for their work in television, film, or music. I had to look on the Internet Movie Database to find where most of these folks earned their stripes.

Stephen Baldwin: Brother of real-celebrity Alec Baldwin, has starred in almost every crappy b-movie made in the last 10 years including The Flintstones Viva Rock Vegas, Slapshot 2: Breaking the Ice, and Bio-dome.

Corbin Bernsen: Played Roger Dorn in Major League (and all sequels) as well as a number of straight-to-video specials like Apocalypse IV: Judgement and Atomic Twister (I didn't make this up, it's a real movie).

Michael Boatman: Played Carter on Spin City.

Kim Coles: Co-starred with Queen Latifah on the TV show "Living Single" as well as made numerous appearances on Hollywood Squares.

Frederique: Not as famous as Madonna, Sting, Prince, or Lalaine, Frederique Van Der Wal appears to be some sort of model.

Kathy Griffin: Played the Ghost of Christmas Past in A Diva's Christmas Carol (you just can't make this stuff up, folks) and was on the hit show Suddenly Susan.

Erik Von Detten: Apparently some sort of slave to the Disney Corporation, since he has been in many, many Disney Channel original movies, shows, and animated feature films.

I run my own website that gets 50 some-odd hits per day, and based on these peoples' resumes, I think that makes me a celebrity. I'm passing on The Mole, though, in hopes of making it on for the next season of Star Date...