You might want to stay away from me for the next couple of days, as my left arm is infected with influenza. That's right, I've once again taken the big gamble that is getting a yearly flu shot in the hopes that a bunch of nerdy medical people guessed the correct strain of the flu that will migrate over from Japan on the boat with the latest shipment of well-made vechicles and High Definition TVs. But in order to build up the antibodies needed to fend off this year's batch of winter illnesses, they had to inject me with deactivated viruses. Or at least they claimed they were deactivated. The truth is, science is still a little sketchy as to whether or not viruses are living organisms, and there's no way to kill something that was never alive. It's just a matter of time before viruses catch on to our little plan and start mutating a way to "play dead" so that the medical community uses them for flu shots. Then, after they're injected into every elderly person and college student (these are the only people who get flu shots, as these are the only people that get them for free), the viruses will spring to life and wipe out half of our population in one fell swoop. The good news is, the world will be rid of bad drivers and rabble-rousing teenagers. The bad news is, Florida's population will be reduced to zero and the economy will grind to a halt, since there will be no more market for bubblegum pop music or extreme sports video games.

If you'd like to learn more about the flu, and whether or not you too should get your arm infected before viruses rise up to take over the world, go here, where you can learn interesting facts like "in 1976, all flu shots were administered in black and white", and "infants over six months old can get a flu shot by traveling back in time to the 1980's".