There are three types of people in south Florida: rich people, slobs, and elderly people. The rich people cluster together in exclusive communities with long driveways so you can't actually see their mansions. All you can see are their gates and a sign with some fancy-sounding name like "Odyssey's End". For all we know there could just be an outhouse back there with very very tight security. These aren't even impressively famous rich people either. They are people like Burt Reynolds.

They build their driveways like this to avoid the gawking eyes of the slobs, who make up about 80% of the population. These folks wear ripped NASCAR t-shirts and shorts (even during church and at fancy restaurants), are usually overweight, and for some reason all own boats. There are a number of fishing boats and tour boats you can take around the area, and if you watch the other mariners cruising around in their speedboats they all fit squarely into the slob category. All of their boats have cheesy marine-type names like "It's a Buoy!" or "Surfjammer", and from what I've seen in order to pilot a boat you must be accompanied by a sunburnt, overweight woman in a string bikini and be holding at least one beer. Of course, they are only on the water for about one day per month, with the boat spending the rest of the time being repaired or sitting on a trailer in the front yard. A boat has to be one of the worst investments possible, as I see many more boats rotting in people's driveways than I do actually in the water zipping around.

Then there are the elderly folks. Everything you've heard about them is true. They steal condiments from buffet restaurants, eat dinner at 4 in the afternoon, gamble away all of their money, and can't drive to save their lives. Driving around here is worse than driving in a big traffic-laden city like New York or Atlanta, since at least in the city the cars aren't moving very fast. Here just when you think it is safe to speed up, some 90 year old who can't see will swerve across 4 lanes of traffic and then stop in the middle of the road, waiting to make an illegal left hand turn into a canal.

They don't just restrict their bad driving to cars, though. One day while driving along in the right hand lane of US1, I encountered, in my lane, an old man driving a motorized wheelchair. US1 is not a small country road. It is the backbone of commerce here in Stuart (i.e. it is the one street along which you can find every business in the area), and it runs from Jacksonville all the way down to at least West Palm Beach. It is a six-lane, high-speed-limit road. And this man was traveling at about 3 miles per hour, totally redefining the meaning of the "slow lane".