I've returned from my self-imposed personal time, hopefully re-energized for some more wacky shenanigans.

On Tuesday night I went miniature golfing and the St. Louis crime wave continued. It was about 10:30 at night and we were the only people still on the course. The attendant girl was on the phone in the "clubhouse", and we were walking between holes. All of a sudden, a random teenager came up to us and asked Berney if he could look at his putter, that he worked here, and that they had been having problems with the putters. Berney said sure and handed it over, and the kid examined it for a second and said "yeah, it's definitely defec--" and then turned and dashed away, jumped over the fence, and held the putter above his head as he ran to his getaway car. We just stood there dumbfounded. St. Louis, you have reached a new low, but at least this time it was funny.

Speaking of golf, you may have noticed lately that our economy is in a bit of a downturn, in that there are no jobs, people are getting laid off, companies are lying about profits, and the stock market is plunging every day. After a good half hour of thinking, I have discovered the source of all of big business' problems: golf. When the economy is good, nerdy business-type folks trying to get a leg up on the corporate ladder take their business to the golf course on Fridays (and sometimes other days). Invariably this is written off as a "business meeting" and the company foots the bill. If you haven't noticed, golf isn't a cheap sport. Large businesses inevitably reimburse employees for hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of golf per year, but it doesn't matter because the economy is good. Now that the economy is bad, companies realize that they have frittered away all their money on golf (and hiring way too many employees in the first place) so they have to lay people off. My solution: bowling should replace golf as the sport of businessmen. It requires just as little actual physical ability, it's a lot more fun, and most importantly it's a lot cheaper. A power meeting for 4 at Strike 'N Spare would cost hundreds of dollars less than an afternoon on the links. That's what I'm here for folks, solving our nation's problems one at a time.

I got an email today inviting me to attend "Ebay University", a one-day program that teaches you important skills such as "searching and browsing techniques" and "super selling tips". I really don't know a single person who would pay $25 to learn how to browse ebay for shoddy secondhand products, but "seating is limited".

I saw the new Austin Powers movie tonight. It was better than the second movie I think but not as good as the first. There were some very funny moments and clever cameos, but also a lot of really awkward attempts at humor that just didn't work.

Lucas mentioned KissThisGuy.com the other day but neglected to mention a great misheard line. Instead of "Ooh, ooh, living on a prayer", one astute Bon Jovi fan heard the chorus as "Ooh, ooh, Berenstein Bears" despite the fact that the song title is in fact "Living on a Prayer". That may not have been the line, but I'm sure Mr. Jovi intended to evoke images of friendly children's-book bears in his song about hard lower-middle-class life and love.