Sometimes mid-afternoon television can be vastly entertaining. Take today's infomercial for Kennelwood Village, which contains, in their own words, "five park-like acres of lush landscaping, abundant trees, and a natural spring flowing through the property. Sounds nice doesn't it? I look out the window of my apartment and see a dumpster and a fountain with water which has been dyed blue, but the residents of Kennelwood get a natural spring.

Check-in time is at noon, rooms are only $38/night double occupancy, and you can get a suite or cabana for $45/night. Here I'm paying $754 per month plus utilities for 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, a living room and a kitchen.

Airport pickup service is provided, as well as door-to-door service if you're in the process of moving. There is even a travel agent on duty. Personal training is provided for a small fee as well as a styling salon, and there is a schedule of events that happen daily.

Sounds too good to be true doesn't it? Well it's certainly true, but unfortunately you can't take advantage of all Kennelwood has to offer, because it's only for pets. There are apparently some people out there who are fabulously rich and have pets they don't want to take care of. These pets, also being rich, need round-the-clock care, obedience training (the "personal trainer" as it is called on the commercial), and events such as "PlaySchool" (consisting of brushing, attention, walks, and tetherball) and "Yappy Hour" (ice cream and cookies).

As I was watching the infomercial (which was, of course, narrated by a dog telling me how much he wanted to be taken to Kennelwood and live in a four-level suite, the most expensive of all lodging arrangements), I had one important question: how can I get a job? Apparently there are people there whose only job is to walk, pet, and play tetherball with dogs all day. Forget all this hard core Computer Science research, I want to get paid for "taking pets to grass to urinate or defecate" (which is a $2 charge per trip).

Some of the more interesting Kennelwood programs:

-"Unlimited Feeding", making your dog as fat as possible to counteract the exercise from frolicking in the stream.
-A "Pre-entry exam" to check for fleas, kind of like the SATs I guess.
-A "Pet travel agent" to help your pet relocate to a new city.

Wow. Some people have much, much more money than they really need.