There has been a shocking development in my realm of existence that I must share with you, dear readers. My girlfriend's roommate Michelle has a nickname. No, that is not the shocking part. She was first dubbed Mish Mish by Vanessa, but this has since morphed into MishMash. She even owns a hat proudly displaying the MishMash moniker. However, today it was revealed to me that she has made a bold proclamation: that she no longer wishes to be called MishMash.

This may seem like a mundane statement, but it goes against the very fiber of our society. You see, one does not choose their nickname, the name is chosen for them. And once this name is chosen, it never goes away whether you like it or not. Having a nickname is like getting married, you are stuck with it through richer or poorer, for better or for worse.

When Sean "Puff Daddy" Combs went bezerker on J-to-the-L-O and his record producer and was therefore cast into shame, he decided to try a rebirth under the equally inane name "P. Diddy". However, the majority of the public still derisively refers to him as Puffy. Ditto with Dwight Gooden, who is still Dr. K despite numerous run-ins with the law. Mike Tyson is still Iron Mike, and whatever alien being arose from Darryl Strawberry is still called Straw.

A nickname is a sign of respect, of admiration, of the fact that you are such a great and unique individual that you are deserving of a name that is apart from all others. But most importantly, the nickname must come from without, not from within. You cannot create a nickname for yourself, just as you cannot destroy a nickname that has been bestowed upon you.

Therefore, when I am asked to no longer refer to Michelle as MishMash, it's not that I am being spiteful or uncaring by politely declining. Instead, I realize that I as just one of billions of people on this planet do not have the power to alter the rules that are stitched into the fabric of our society, of our heritage as one human race.

Revel in your nickname, enjoy it for the unique symbol of respect that it is, but do not attempt to erase it from public consciousness. For to do so and succeed would be an unprecedented feat that could threaten to tear apart humanity itself.